A TilKIULIXG * PROPHETIC** DliAMAt 

THE SOCIAL WA£ OF 1900 ; 

OE, 

THE COXSPIRATOES AND LOVERS I 

IN FIVK ACTS. 

BY SIMON MOHL.ER L.ANDIS, M. O. 

AUTHOR OF SEVERAL POPULAR PHYSIOLOGICAL WORKS AND NOVELS. 



PRINTED BUT NOT PUBI.ISHED ! 

By The Author at his Medical Institution, 13 N. 11th St., 

[PHILADELPHIA, PA. 

1874. 



THE PLOT 

OF TIIK TinilLLING "PKOPHKTIC" DRAMA. 

THE SOCIAT^ WAR OF THK YEAR 1 « O O . 

nr SIMON 31. LANDIS, M. D. 

MP m i—ii 

Dr. Victor Juxo. the liero. is a bold, foarlcss health-reformer, wlio 
proposes to '-look tlirouiih Nature, up to Nature's God;"' wlio has for 
yeai's lectrred iu favor of the .scientilic improvement of the human race, 
and a-ainst the corruptions in Chureli and State; and who becomes very 
oflfenslvc to tlie leaders in high positions. Gen. Armins^ton, is an ortho- 
dox CIn-istian and Millionaiie, who lias an only child — Miss Lucinda 
AuMiNiiTON— and Dr. Jinio becomes tlie accepted lover of Miss Armint;- 
ton. and the rival of Deacon Hob Stew, who is a most villainous and 
conniving' hypocrite, and who has immense influence in the Protestant 
Churcli. which he u^-es for his own selfish purposes; hence, he connives 
with Kev. Joe Pier. Miss Nancy Clover, and many others, for the pur- 
l)ose of destroying' Dr. Juno's ii.fluencc and life, if necessary ; finally the 
contlict becomes giu'antic on both sides. 

Deaenn Stew and his co-conspirators abduct Dr. Juno and Miss Ar- 
mingf on and cast tiieni into sepr.rate dungeons in the Insane Asylum, 
where it is intended Juno shall die, whilst the Deacon continually visits 
Miss Arniington in her cell, making oven ures of marriage to her, peace- 
ably if she accepts, but forcibly if she refuses. Juno manages to es- 
cape, learnc, the whereabouts of his lady-love, organizes the "'Secret 
Order of Naturalists," makes revolutionary public speeches, advocat- 
iiig the rights of the working people, raises a faithful band of followers, 
mobs tlie Insane Asylum, rescues Miss Armington. after which the 
conflitit grows hotter and hotter. The Naturalists, constituting the people, 
now being in full blast against the Conspirators ; the latter liave yet con- 
trol of Church and State, aiul to save themselves, bribe Congress and 
have God recognized in the Constitution of the United States, so that 
they may destroy the Naturalists. This overt act arouses the '-working 
])eople'' all over tin; land, when a gigantic Social War takes place. The 
Naturalists conquer, and- Dr^Lino and Miss Armington are happy, whilst 
an entire new era ilawus for mankind ! 



TO MANAGERS. 

Gentlemen :— T have always advocated the doctrine, in all my lec- 
tures, sermons and writings, that the ''Stage*' should be the moral 
school-teacher; and that by producing historical, local and instructive 
plays, the auditors would learn more in a i'cw hours than could be obtain- 
ed from books in weeks. Tiiat a play can be instructive, sensational, 
thrilling and humorous; th(^r(!by combining all the qualifications to ex- 
ercise the various thinking faculties, and still not overstep the modesty 
of nature, whilst giving the greatest gratification to the audience. 

In the "Social War of 1900," I have endeavored to combine these qualifications, 
and have introdncol su';.'h le.ssans as the hour of the times demand, and I feel assured 
that wlien this drama is skilfully rendered, it will arouse the lethargic faculties of 
the community and do much good, as it has already done where it has been produced. 

I am open for Star Engagemuxts in first-class Theaters. S. M. L ANDIS, M. I). 
Ai)niiK;is MK No. 13 N. 11th St., Phila., Pa., or Col. T. Allston Brown. N. Y. City. 



A THRILLING "PROPPIETIC" DRAMA, 



The Social War of 1900; 



The Conspirators and Lovers. 



IN FIVE ACTS. 



BY SIMON M. LANDIS, M. D., 



AUTHOR OF 



Jlesmer, the Terror of the Rich ; Sense and Nonsense ; Secrets of Qsueration ; Key 
to Love ; Dramatic Orations on the Devil ; &c., Ac , &c. 



PRINTED, BUT NOT PUBLISHED, 

By the Author, at his Medical Institute, 13 N. Eleventh St., 
Philadelphia, Pa. 



«^FOR PLOT, &c., SEE COVER. 






u^^i 



CAST OF CHARACTERS.— [Social War or 1900.] 

Dr. Victor Juno, the Hero, a bold, scientific, fearless Reformer. 
Miss Lucinda Armington, the Heroine, a woman who can stand 

alone. 
Gen. Washington Armington, a genuine Christian and millionaire. 
Pat O'Conner, a shrewd, humorous Irishman. * 

Deacon Rob Stew, most villainous, cunning hypocrite. 
Rev. Joe Pier, a (comically) cowardly pharisee. 
Dr. Toy Pancy, a vile, old-fogy doctor. 
Physician-in-Ciiief of Insane Asylum, a hypocrite. 
Mr. Grumbler, a fearless Conspirator. 
Gen. Orthod, Commander of Conspirators' Army. 
Captain Savage, a Conspirator. 
CoL. Stuckup, a Conspirator. 

Hon. Bluster Gibbons, Conspirators' Prosecuting Attorney. 
George, "\ 

' y Servants of Insane Asylum, 

Jemmy, I 

Night Watchman, J 

Nancy Clover, a dare-devil and cunning viper. 

Judy McCrea, an honest Irish girl. 

Servants, Witnesses, Soldiers, &c. 



COSTUMES— Period, 1900.- 

Costumes modern, until the war begins, when the Army of the 
Naturalists are to be dressed in Gray, and the Army of the Con- 
spirators in Blue, in imitation of U. S. Army. 



TMPSb-OOTlSB 



Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873, by SIMON M. LANDIS, in the Office of 
the Librarian of Congress, at 'Washington, D. C. 



THE SOCIAL WAR 

OF 

1 O O O 5 

OR, 

THE CONSPIKATOES AND LOYEES. 



ACT. I. 

SCENE I. — The Cojispiratorsmect in Tabernacle Hall, in Sacredly Secret 

Conclave^ Frest. Joe Pier in the chair. Discovered. [Groove i,] 

Beacon Rob Stew. Mr. President, I have a very important matter to 
lay before you, which requires immediate action, and I hope that 
the brotherhood is ready to use any means to accomplish what I 
propose. Should there be any chicken-hearted brothers or sisters 
present, I move that they be expelled. 

Mr. Grumbler. [Jtwijmiff to his feet, said roughly.'] Mr. President, 
our deacon is too imperious, and I shall oppose such broad cast dic- 
tation. If he don't trust us, neither shall we return the compliment. 

Dea. S. Stop, Mr. Grumbler, you are a suspicious and faithless 
fool, who is not to be trusted with any important work. I say, em- 
phatically, Mr. President, that brother Grumbler shall at once 
leave the room. 

Frest. Joe Fier. I will leave this matter to the majority of the 
friends. 

Nancy Clover. Brothers, I am grieved at your silly conduct ; are 
we not a unit? does not a house divided against itself fall? and shall 
we quarrel amongst ourselves, whilst a dangerous enemy is entering 
into our family, who, if his course is not summarily checked, will 
destroy our influence, and beloved cause entirely ? 

Frest. F. I now call for the question, and plans of Deacon Stew. 

Dea. S. Beloved Saints, we are the elect, and it behooves us to 
use any means to keep innovators and reprobates away from our 
path! First, we shall use moderate, but effectual means I if, how- 
ever, they fail, we shall, Secondly, drive the bullet or dagger to the 
inner recesses of the heart of the defiler of the brotherhood! 

There is a man in our midst, who has always held sentiments an- 
tagonistic to, and dangerously at variance with, our common cause; 

3 



4 THE SOCIAL WAK 

who has gained great influence in the family of our most heroic 
and wealthy co-laborer — I mean the family of General Armington I 

This innovator by some act of his, has obtained access to the heart 
and home of the General, and aims to obtain the hand of Miss Lu- 
cinda Armington, which, should he be successful, would ruin our 
peace, comfort and safety, in all lime to come! 

Brothers and sisters, do you comprehend our condition ? and do 
you swear renewed allegiance to our cause and the work I propose ? 

Disciples. We do. \^All have sworn.'\ 

Dea. S. You have renewed your vows, and I can now confide my 
bloody plans to your heads and hands ! therefore, we shall at once 
dispatch this sacrilegious innovator, whose very name curdles' my 
blood, and fits me to do such bitter business as would cause the devil 
to quake. 

Prest. P. Beloved Saints, we certainly have arduous duties to 
perform, and they are of such a character as to cause me to tremble 
in my boots, unless the most zealous followers of the craft are se- 
lected to enact tlie work now in contemplation; I should be happy 
to hear the plan of Deacon Stew, whilst Mr. Grumbler will be 
dispatched to summon Dr. Toy Fancy, to come with him instantly to 
this hall. 

Dea. S. It gives me much joy to be able to propose an effectual 
plan for the speedy removal of that enemy to the elect. I have 
been chosen by General Armington to select a physician for this 
man Juno, and, if we can induce the physician whom our worthy 
President just sent for, to slyly administer some fatal drug to this 
great admirer of heathendom, I am convinced that our task will be 
easy. Beloved Saints, it is always wiser and better to pray much, 
long and often in public, as it shuts up the eyes completely of many 
wordlings, and in fact, makes some or most of our own members, 
and other christians, more respectful to, and confiding in us. 

N. C. The noble and indomitable brother Rob Stew, has given us 
all that could be desired, even from an angel; therefore, I rise to 
say amen to it all. 

Enter Mb. Gru31bler and Dr. Tot Fancy. 

Prest. P. Brother Fancy, we are delighted to see you with us 
upon such short notice. 

Dr. T. Pancy. At 3'our service brethren I what is your pleasure ? 

Dea. S. Dear Doctor, we have a /?i06;; important little job for you, 
which requires perfect secrecy and great shrewdness ! Our worthy 
President has selected you, as the most trustworthy and able phy- 
sician of the brotherhood, to do what has been planned by us. 

Dr. P. Brethren, I assure our most excellent President that I ap- 
preciate his confidence, which he has so liberallj placed in the skill 
and trustworthiness of my humble self, and I assure him, that if it 
is in my power, I shall perform whatever task is assigned me. 

Prest. P. May the blessing of the saints continually abide with 
60 faithful a disciple ; Deacon Stew will give you your instructions 
privately. 

Dr. P. Certainly, yovir reverence I 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 5 

Prest. P. Deacon Stew will now conduct the Doctor into the ante- 
room, and explain his work. 

SCENE II. — General Armington' s Mansion. Bed Chamber of Miss 
Lucinda Armington, reclining on lounge, who is sick. 

Enter Deacon Rob Stkw and the General. [^Groove ^.] 

Dea. S. General I am deeply grieved at the sad story of this 
young physician, as well as being sorrowful to find your noble 
daughter sick after such a Providential escape; it is my heartfelt 
prayer that all may come right very speedily. 

Miss Lucinda Armington. Thank you, I am sure the excellent young 
gentleman, who has been so brave and unselfish, will soon be re- 
stored to health. 

Gen. A. Daughter, I am delighted to hear you express your fjclf 
so kindly toward this heroic gentleman, for you seldom have any- 
thing favorable to say of the male gender. 

Dea. S. Accursed be her tongue. l^Aside."] Certainly, Miss Ar- 
mington could not feel otherwise toward a man who saved her life, 
for he must be a brave and worthy(?)creature. 

3Iiss A. Thanks, Deacon Stew, I am not ungrateful ; moreover, 
dear Father, I feel that we should employ the best medical talent to 
save Mr. Juno, from a tedious and protracted illness. 

Gen. A. You are very thoughtful, my darling. Brother Stew, 
you would be the ablest man to select a good pious doctor, as I be- 
lieve greatly in the virtue of grace. 

Dea. S. General, your wisdom and christian worth charm me, 
and I know a very eminent christian physician, who never fails in 
the fulfilment of anything that he undertakes. 

Miss A. Father, why should not I be equally brave and deter- 
mined to save Victor Juno's life, as he was to save mine, when our 
horses ran away. 

Gen. A. My darling, I should be pleased to see you use every 
effort to do so, and the Deacon has selected Dr. Toy Fancy to attend 
Victor Juno. Dr. Fancy is an honorable, christian physician of 
great ability. 

Dea. S. Miss Lucinda, I hope you are pleased with my selection 
of a physician for your courageous(?) young saviour. I mean, Mr. 
Juno. Icontemptuously.l 

Miss A. Deacon, I am very much indebted to you for going to so 
much trouble. 

Dea. S. My Dear Miss Lucinda, you do not understand me, I 
have not felt it was the least trouble to serve you, or this young 
gentleman. 

3Iiss A. I am glad that I have not asked too much of you; but, 
when I come to think, it was not my intention to have you select a 
physician, but it was father's doings, who has such unfeigned con- 
fidence in your worth and goodness. 

Dea. S. I appreciate this compliment, and shall endeavor to merit 
it. 



6 THE SOCIAL WAR 

SCENE III. — Piazza o/Gen. Armington's Residence. 

JEnter DEACON Rob SiEVf/rom the Residence, and Pat O' Conner /romZ. 
\^Oroovc ?.] 

Dea. S. Pat, how Jo you find things to-day ? have you heard any- 
thing lately of this Mr. Juno ? 

Fat C Conner. Shurely, yer honor must know more than I doos 
of what am agoin' on in this house, or at Mr. Juno's plaze ; ye are 
a cunnin' gintleman ; be jabers, ye mak' hay, I belave, while the 
sun shines. Will yer honor have the graciousness to kape my 
sacret away from Miss Armington? 

Dea. S. Pat, never fear me ; but, to convince you of my trust- 
worthiness, I will tell t/ou a great secret, if you promise to hold it 
sacred and will serve me. 

O' C. Och ! murdher, yer honor, don't be a placin me on an aqual- 
ity wid your holy self; I am only a po®r workin' Irishman; how- 
somever, I kin kape sacrets, I warrant ye, an' if I kin sarve ye„ 
will do it widout tanks. 

Dea. S. I believe you Pat, and as you confided in me, without 
solicitation on my part, I will now return the compliment, and tell 
you that I hate that Victor Juno. He is a heathen, a heretic, and 
an impudent innovator ; and, although, good Pat, you and I do not 
agree in religion exactly, yet we are Christians, whom this Mr. 
Juno tries to undermine and ruin by his worldly notions; therefore, 
Pat, will you help us to put him where he belongs ? 

O' C. Well, yer honor, I bees at yer sarvice to do anything that 
bees not too indacent, an' I am atinkin' where this Juno chap be- 
longs ; will yer honor plaze tell me? \_Pat looks qidzzically .'] "^ 

Dea. S. Why sir, he belongs to the ground from whence he came, 
and I have a plan at woi^k that will place him forever beyond step- 
ping into my or your path. 

O'C. Och ! Howly Moses, I smell a mighty big rat, or I'm no 
man. [Aside.'\ Yer honor knows what's best ; an' I'll be sacret 
an' sarve ye in any way, but here comes Judy McCrea, so good day 
to yer honor. [Fzit Deacon R. Steio.~\ 

O' C. Judy Darlin', an' I have a sacret to confide to yer bossom, 
could I but fail sartin that me darlin' could kape a dredful sacret. 

Judy McCrea. Why Pat, ye spakes like a crazy man; do ye tink 
l"ve becom a tratress an' vaggabone, an' have ye lost fathe in yer 
Judy ? 

C C. No, me darlin', be me sowl ye air accusin' of me wrongly ; 
howsomever I hav a raonstros sacret to tell ye, an' if ye promise to 
kape it good, I will give it ye, an' I want ye to hilp me to worry 
the matter out, 

McC. An' shure, I'll do it all as ye plaze, dear Pat. 

C C. Open yer eyes then Judy, darlin', an' listen; do ye know 
that ould hypocret, Dacon Stew, bees manin' harm to the brave 
young lord, — Victor Juno? 

McG. Ye do not mane that, Pat darlin'. 

O'C. Mane it, \jiuizzically ,^ begorrah I knows it, but I'll fix the 
dirty ould blackgard, or I'm no man. Judy darlin', will ye hilp me 
to watch the squally curmudgon ? 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 7 

McC. Cartainly, I will. 

O'C. A blazin' idee strikes me mind, an' that bis, we must tell 
Miss Armington of the attimpt this dacon bees makin' to murhder 
Victor Juno. 

McC. Murhder! Juno? 

O'C. Yis, bluddy murhder, jist now abreediu' ! Ye git Miss Ar- 
mington to consult wid ye an' me, an' do it quick ? [^Exit Pat 
O^ Conner and Judy McCrea.'\ 

SCENE IV. Library o/Gex\. Armington. 
Enter Miss L. Arminuton, Pat O'Conner and Judy McCrea. 
\_Groove 2.'\ 

O' Conner. Miss Armington, after havin' yer promise to kape this 
intire matter sacret, and also yer promise to relate to Mr. Juno the 
danger what trcatens him, wid his promise to kapc it sacret ; I'll 
jist unhitch my sowl of the burden of my hart. 

Miss A. Well go on Pat, and let me hear it? 

0'(7. Me lady, ye knows ye and yer father axed Dacon Stew to 
git a doctor for Mr. Juno ; an' I had me idees rubbed up, that Da- 
con Stew, what loves yer lady, an' hates Mr. Juno, has played ye 
and yer father false, by gittin' a tricky doctor what will pison Mr. 
Juno. 

Miss A. Oh ! Pat, you surely cannot think that of [^shuddering .'] 
Deacon Rob Stew ! He is a good christian, and would not do such 
a foul act as to employ a murdering physician. 

O'C. Be me sowl. Miss Armington, may I stop to belave me own 
sinses, ef it aint they trooth. 

Miss A. But Pat, how do you know all these things? 

O'C. Good lady, only kape sacret, an' I'll till ye. That day whin 
Dacon Rob Stew was at yer bedside, I tould Judy McCrea to sind 
Dacon Rob. Stew out by the side doore, whin I runned accidentallee 
against his honor, which made him spake to me. 1 humbly apolo- 
gist and axed him aboot Victor Juno, in a manner, what made him 
belave I hated Mr. Juno, when the ould curmudg — beg yer pardon 
for forgittin' myself. 

Miss A. Go on, Pat. 

0'(7. Well, ■'yer ladyship, I was agoin to say, Dacon Stew spake 
contiden to me, an' said : Pat, if I could trust ye, I have a job that 
would make ye rich. I suspectid his diviltry whin I blarneyed him 
and what ye tink, he unbossomed'the dirtiest plans of his hypercret- 
ical hart to meself, an' I tought be-jabers, Pat, here bis a way to 
larn sacrets that will be of sarvice to me luvly mishtress, whin I 
swore, wid one eye shut an' a mintal reserves to lade him into the 
fald of battle. He tould me anough to conclude that he meant to 
pison Mr. Juno, an' me plans air, that ye sacretly go to Mr. Juno's 
house an' kape an eye on that doctor chap. 

Miss A. Oh ! Pat, how can I believe, or do all this ? 

0' C. Be me sowl, I hav tould ye only what am good trooth : ye 
can ax Judy McCrea, here, what kin till ye I am spakin' only the 
trooth. 



8 THE SOCIAL WAR 

McC. Fath, me swate lady, Pat O'Conner spake the howly trooth, 
so far as I knows. \^Exit Pat and Judy.'] 

Miss A. Oh ! What shall I do? I cannot let father know of this 
conspiracy to murder Victor Juno ; nor can I allow them to poison 
him, since I can save him ! How shall I manage this matter ? Oh ! 
how must I act ? great powers above, guide my distressed soul 
aright. I have it. I will go in disguise to the house of Victor Juno, 
and request to see him as an old aunt of his ; I understand he has 
an only relative, and that is an elderly aunt. I'll personate her, 
and when I once reach his bedside, I'll manage to make him under- 
stand me. This will be his salvation, although it may prove my 
ruination. 

SCENE V, Chamber in Dr. Juno's house. 
Enter Miss Armington, iji disguise as Victor's aunt. She goes to his 

side, and arouses him from a slumber. [^Groove 3.] 

Dr. Victor Juno. I feel as though an angel from on high, in dis- 
guise, was before me. \_IIere he takes both her hands in his.~\ 

Miss Armington. Mr. Juno, I hope you will pardon me for appear- 
ing before you in this peculiar manner. 

Dr. J. Certainly, my brave young lady ; I feel from my inmost 
soul that you are here on a mission of mercy. 

Miss A. Mr. Juno, please do not exhaust yourself, but if you are 
not too weak, I will relate to you why I came here, and in this 
disguise. 

Dr. J. Speak, 0, speak, sweet lady I your presence electrifies 
and strengthens me, and I am quite well enough to listen to any- 
thing that your charming voice may relate. \_Speaks this quite vig- 
orously.] 

Miss A. Friend Juno — beg your pardon, Mr. Juno 

Dr. J. Dear angel, use the former, and believe me that my very 
soul is yours, and I feel assured that your heart beats in unison 
with mine, or you would not be thus. \^Looking worlds of love into 
her eyes.] 

jMiss A. May you never doubt my sincerity and motives, but 
still, I am almost a perfect stranger to you. 

Dr. J. My beloved lady, why should you feel in the least embar- 
rassed or backward in the presence of a man who would lose his 
life ten thousand times to give you one meagre joy. 

3Iiss A. Speak no more, dear friend, you have indeed saved my 
miserable life at triple the danger of losing your own ; therefore, 
I would, indeed, be an ingrate to withhold anything from you. 

Dr. J. Thanks, jnany thanks, for this delicious candor, and will 
you now be kind enough to relate what you spoke of? 

Miss A. Oh, I have some terrible things to tell you, which may 
not be any benefit to your shattered nerves, but there is a greater 
danger overhanging you than my story can produce, should you be 
kept in ignorance of what I know. You will, therefore, find that 
my presence at this hour and in this awkward disguise may save 
your precious life, which, if such be the case, will, at least, repay 
you for the great services you have done me and my father. 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 9 

Dr. J. Beloved angel I why do you mention what / did ? You 
certainly can not deem me so selfish as to hope I labored for com- 
pensation ! 

Mhs A. Oh, no I certainly not. I did not mean that, but — I sup- 
pose it was- 

Dr. J. Love, that prompted the wholesome act. Say so, sweetest 
lady, and I'll believe you. 

Miss A. Yes, sir, indeed, it was. \^Modesthj.'] 

Dr. J. My soul is rejoiced that my never-ceasing affection for you 
is reciprocated, if I may be so bold as to esteem myself so blessed. 

Miss A. \_She bows modestly.'] This, truly, \& the happiest moment 
of my life. 

Dr. J. \ Victor draics her to his bosorn^ and kisses her.] My darling, 
I shall be pleased now to listen to " the horrible things'" of which you 
spoke. 

Miss A. I will tell you, but hope you will see the necessity of 
keeping the whole matter a sacred secret; otherwise, ruination 
might befall us both. 

Dr. J. No, darling, have more faith in my Cupid God. 

Miss A. Well, my noble friend, you will see the 'good of being 
cautious about making known my visit, disguise, and story. 

Dr. J. Of course, sweet love, T shall be perfectly silent. 

Miss A. Thanks, blessed Victor ! But to the point. I have a 
faithful servant at home who has overheard a secret plot to murder 
you, and ttiat by people whom you have never injured, and of whom 
you would not think that they could be guilty of such dark deeds. 

Dr. J. My darling, allow me to ask who these parties are, and 
whether your servant really is reliable? 

Miss A. Yes, good Victor, my servant is reliable ; moreover, there 
are a train of circumstances of which I know, that convince me 
of the existence of such a plot; and, further, when I tell you all, 
you may be able to conjure up some matters that happened in this 
chamber by which you, also, will know the truth of what I shall 
relate. 

Miss A. My father is a good, honest man, and a great admirer of 
yourself; I make this remark because when I tell you my story you 
might conceive the matter in such a manner as to cause an impres- 
sion on your mind, that dear father had something to do with this 
vile work ; because you certainly must know that Dr. Toy Fancy 
was employed by father and myself. 

Dr. J. What, say you ? Dr. Toy Fancy ! 

Miss A. Yes, Dr. Toy Fancy is a villian, who has evidently been 
trying to poison you whilst he was sitting up with you at night, 
without your own family doctor knowing anything about it. 

Dr. J. Indeed I \_Meditating a moment.] I can now know why he 
was so uneasy and anxious to be alone with me. Please go on and 
tell me all. 

Miss A. I will dear Victor, but you may not clearly understand 
why myself and father would send you such a villian of a physi- 
cian ; father and Deacon Rob Stew sat by my bedside when I asked 
father to employ a doctor for you ; at once he said to the Deacon 



10 THE SOCIAL WAR 

that he was best acquainted with physicians, and would ask it as a 
special favor, if he would select a physician ; the Deacon did so, 
and this is the manner in which Dr. Toy Fancy came to your bed- 
side. 

Dr. J, But my beloved angel, how could such a course cause Dr. 
Toy Fancy to have designs upon my life ? 

Miss A. You may deem me immodest, but nevertheless, as we have 
become so well acquainted and love each other, I may tell you that 
Deacon Rob Stew has been sueing for my hand the last year. I 
learned that he connived with PatO'Conner our coachman, to mur- 
der you. Pat, Irish-like, suspicioned this wolf in sheep's clothing, 
when he dissembled and acted as though he also hated you, know- 
ing that the Deacon detested you because you are his successful 
rival. 

Dr. J. Is it possible that Dr. Toy Fancy and Deacon Rob Stew, 
have attempted to take my life ? I seem to see it all now ; and it 
is you, my most precious darling, who saved my life ; but now I'll 
have an eye on these vile conspirators. 

Miss A. Dear Victor, I am exceedingly happy to see you so much 
better, and able to protect yourself against the danger which 
threatened your precious life. 

Dr. J. I dreamed three or four times last night that you were by 
my bedside as you are, and that we had pledged our mutual vows 
of love ; but every time we wanted to consummate oar nuptial ties, 
some obstacles were thrown into our path by deep, designing 
enemies. This is all I remember of it, but 0! the horror and 
despair that I felt, was almost unendurable. 

3Iiss A. It was of course, only a dream, yet a peculiar one to say 
the least, and I shall be in continual dread of these men, who have 
certainly commenced in earnest. [^Enter Servant.'\ 

Servant. Oh ! good lady, the house is surrounded by an army of 
men. 

SCENE VI. Tabernacle Hall. Further con7iiving of the bloody con- 
spirators. President Rev. Joe Pier in the chair. [Groove i.] 

Nancy Clover. Brothers, as no one but the faithful are present, I 
may open the door to some new operations. 

Dea. S. Mr. President, I have a word to say which will aid a 
speedy conclusion of plans. 

Prest. r. Brother Stew, our noble sister, Nancy Clover, has the 
right to the floor. 

Dea. S. Pardon me, dear sister, I did not intend to be rude, but 
thought if I could hint to you ere you spoke, that I discovered Miss 
Lucinda Armington leave the General's — her father's house, in dis- 
guise last night to go to Victor Juno's residence; you would be 
better prepared to draw your plans in speedy order. 

A. C. Thanks, valiant Brother Stew, you verily have done me a 
service, and as lam now prepared to give you my plan^ for consum- 
mating this holy work of purging our cause of all unfaithful mem- 
bers, apostates, and innovators, you will remember that we have 
one common interest, and if we do not gain our individual points, we 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 11 

nevertheless, are a perfect unit in obtaining our combined ends. 
I find that several of those we love and respect are being led astray. 

Firstly, then, General Washington Armington is in dangerous 
hands whilst surrounded by this Mr. Juno ; therefore, we must 
devote time, money, muscle, and brains to break the link that binds 
the General and this Juno together. The best plan is to cause a 
sanctimonious anxiety for the General amongst all religious people. 
That done, then our united attention must be earnestly exercised to 
ruin the reputation, in the General's mind, of Victor Juno, who has 
escaped us, and is now beyond reach by the plan that was laid for his 
death, through the faithful brother, Dr. Toy Fancy. 

Secondly, we must generate a hue and cry that Miss Lucinda 
Armington has compromised her reputation by injudicious familiari- 
ties, having in disguise, and at an improper hour, visited Mr. .Juno's 
residence. 

Thirdly, that, having failed in our first attempt to forever quiet 
Victor Juno, we must now work amongst the masses of saints of all 
colors, than aim directly at the life of this vile innovator, and by 
setting up a howl amongst the brethren, setting forth the great dan- 
ger to our cause, provided this man Juno is not quieted or degrad- 
ed. This is our next best step. What thinks Brother Stew. 

Dea. S. Beloved Saints ! I have listened with great interest to 
our valued sister's glorious plans, and have come to the conclusion 
what she does not know is not tvorth knowing. I would, also, here 
relate what I did last night, after I learned that Miss Lucinda Ar- 
mington repaired in disguise to Victor Juno's residence. I called 
twenty of the faithful to disguise themselves, and join me to sur- 
round the house of Victor Juno. I concluded, should we find her 
there, we would abduct her, and take good care that the wretched 
apostate would never more come between us and our enemy, but 
from some cause or other, we missed our prey. 

N. C. Yon were not very sharp. 

Dea. S. Well, as bad luck would have it, they were apprised by 
Mr. Juno's servant that we were surrounding the house, but Miss 
Armington escaped notwithstanding. 

Fres. P. How do you know that she escaped? did you search the 
house ? 

Dea. S. No sir, we did not search the house at all, but when I 
found that Dr. Toy Fancy failed to find her, or the bogus aunt, I 
drew my comrades aside, and directed them to disband for the pres- 
ent. 

Mr. Grumbler. Ha ! ha ! ha ! She was too smart for you, and es- 
caped evidently the back way, before the residence of Juno was be- 
sieged. I see by the Sunday Newspapers that Juno is going to 
preach next Sunday evening in the Tiieatre. 

Dea. S. He must be stopped ! He shall not be allowed to speak 
to the people, who glory in his impious harangues. Brothers and 
sisters, we are lost, if this innovator is allowed to go on in this 
manner. [Applause.] 



12 THE SOCIAL WAR 

SCENE VII. Crowded Theatre. Victor Juno's Scathing Sermon 
on " The Rock upon which ' The Church' Split:' [ Whole Stage.] 

Dr. Juno. Beloved Friends — I will speak to you this evening on 
"The Rock upon which ' The Church' Split." I have nothing new to 
offer, but as Shakespeare says : " Old things wax new when lovers 
grow cold,'' and I argue that the love for a natural Creator, who has 
made everything for our pleasure, joy and perpetual bliss, has grown 
verg cold. In sooth, God and nature are esteemed vulgar monitors, if 
we accept the actions of the professed saints as criterions to go by. 

" Each stupid sect, in error bound, 
Think they the only road have found 
To paradise complete." 

There exists only 07ie church, namely, the Universal, or Natural 
Church of God. 

There are no such things in God's, or nature's vocabulary as 
"churches." Moreover, a " church " is not a house made of bricks, 
mortar, wood and cushioned seats, but, "THE CHURCH," is com- 
posed of law, order, principle, heavens, earth, air and all the mul- 
titudinous little injunctions of the Creator. 

Knowing, therefore, what "The Church of God" is, we can soon 
behold what split this hallowed natural institution, namely : 

Reading the Bible, without first understanding the science of 
human life, or laws of nature, hence not being able to cipher out the 
meaning of God and nature. 

One must understand the multiplication table before he can use 
the arithmetic to advantage ; so also one must comprehend a true 
anatomy and sound physiology before he can understand that the Bible 
and fixed laws of nature and nature's God agree. 

Friends of free, noble, America, are you going to allow the 
meanest monarchy on earth to rob you of your inalienable rights, — 
I mean the sectarian money-monarchy, — are you going to stand by, 
rubbing your bloodshot eyes, and blaming God for the miseries and 
serfdom you suffer, whilst cunning, craft, hypocrisy and the most 
cruel deceptions are continually practiced upon you by these false 
interpreters of the Bible, who would have you dance to their fiddle 
or see you suffer the veriest slavery; but, withal, howl of freedom 
and American liberty? 

Why, my dear friends, there are leaders at the head of these misled 
enthusiasts who would enter into any foul conspiracies for the pur- 
pose of gaining their pharisaical ends. The bloodiest conspirators 
of all ages are at the helm of this sanctimonious work of deviltry. 

They crucify the disciple of truth anew, and connive to slay him, 
because they think they own heaven, earth, man, and his liberty 
to serve God. [Applause.] 

With God and nature, I cry aloud and spare not him who sets him- 
self against the fixed laws of an unchangeable Creator, and I exhort 
and p rag gou, instead of God, to rise up as one man and slay the 
hydra-headed monster that would stay the stream of a God- 
ordained piety. [Applause.] 

I ask you to lead natural, physiological lives, returning to truth, 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 13 

nature, and sound sense, and unless you fight for principle and 
justice, you cannot expect. salvation. 

•'I live to hail that season, 

By gifted men foretold, 
When men shall live by reason, 

And not alone by gold ! 
When man to man united, 
And every wrong thing righted: 
The whole world shall be lighted, 

As Eden was of old ! " [Applause.] 

[Riot, Naturalists coriquer.~\ 

ACT II. 

SCENE I. General W. AiiMiNaTON's Library. The General in 
deep meditation abont the reported Elopement and Seduction of Lu- 
ciNDA, by Victor. \_Groove 1 ] 

Gen. A. [Soliloquizing.] Why should my faithful and loving- 
daughter elope with Victor Juno, or why should /le desire to do so 
as long as I have encouraged their union ? 
JSnter Deacon R. Stew. 

Bea. S. Good morning! [^Cheerfully. ~\ 

Gen. A. Good morning ! [Coldly.] 

Dea. S. My dear brother, do not take this elopement so seriously 
to heart, for I have rather good news for you. 

Gen. A. What is it? Speak ! 

Dea. S. Why sir, I have just received a letter from New York, 
from a faithful brother, who says that he saw a lady and gentleman 
answering to the description of Miss Lucinda and Dr. .Juno, lake 
passage on a steamer for Liverpool last week. 

Gen. A. Indeed, sir I but I don't believe it. 

Dea. S.. Don't believe it ? and what reason have you to doubt it ? 
surely they have eloped ! 

Gen. A. [Furiously.'] Silence, Deacon SteAv ; I believe that there is 
some foul plot at work to remove these innocent young people from 
my presence; they were not opposed by me in their desire to be- 
come man and wife, then why should they elope, I want to know? 

Dea. S. General, you confound my ideas, but if you had not lost 
patience with me, I think I could set your mind at ease on this sub- 
ject, [Much frightened.] 

Gen. A. Well sir, speak; I am all pntience. 

Dea. S. Pardon me when I say that I am contident that Miss Ar- 
mington was pure, but Dr. Juno did not desire marriage with your 
daughter; he had other designs upon the lovely and unsuspecting 
daughter of your house; and this is the reason that he eloped with 
her, very likely promising marriage. 

Gen. A. Oh, horrible ! horrible! [Weeps.] 

Dea. S. Dear brother, please be consoled, and trust in the Lord. 

Gen. A. Oh, Deacon ! I have never dreamed of what you have 
just insinuated, but I feel that my poor child has fallen into the 
hands of a monster. 



14 THE SOCIAL WAR 

Dea. S. If you desire it, dear brother, I will do my utmost to ar- 
rest this demon, or probably it would be as well for us to telegraph 
to Liverpool, and request the authorities there to arrest him, when 
he arrives. 

Gen. A. No, good brother, I think I had better at once get ready 
and follow these truant children. Oh! daughter! daughter! what 
have you done ! I have centered my whole life, soul and spirit on 
you, and for you to be thus snatched from me, is more than an old 
man can endure. 0, heaven ! Aid and comfort my bleeding heart. 
[^Exit Gen. Armington.'] 

Dea. S. When sister Nancy Clover learns the true state of things, 
she will fairly glut over the success of our plot, and be doubly de- 
lighted at the distress of the General, and discomfiture of his hate- 
ful daughter. When the General is gone to Europe, we shall have a 
clear track before us ; truly, won't I go to the proud stuckup and 
apostate Miss Lucinda Armington' s prison, and dictate my own terms 
of peace. Ha! ha ! my caged bird, I'll save you the trouble of dis- 
guising yourself again for the purpose of acting the aunt, to spoil 
our holy plans ; and as for the heroic and celebrated Dr. (?) Juno, he 
shall feed on slim victuals, whilst a lingering death shall be his 
most certain portion this time ; yea verily, and I shall let him know 
that it was I — Deacon Rob Stew — of the orthodox faith, who insti- 
gated and managed the skillful abduction and imprisonment of this 
true lo\er. And I shall cause his complete ruin for molesting the 
elect in their work of Christianity ! Ha ! ha ! 

SCENE. II. Insane Asylum. Female cell in upper story and dungeon 
in basement. Miss L. Armington, in cell, and Victor Juno, in 
dungeon. [^Groove 2.'] 

Miss L. A. Oh ! Great heaven, why am I thus confined in this liv- 
ing tomb! Can this be a prison? But why should I be confined in 
it? Where was I to my last recollection ? Let me think ; 0, yes ! I 
remember ; Pat O'Conner, Judy McCrea and myself sat in our din- 
ing room conversing over the outrage that had happened to dear 
Victor at the theatre, and I now remember of having gone out into 
the lawn, when suddenly something nasty was thrown over my 
head, whilst at the same moment strong hands grasped my body and 
I knew nothing more. 

Surely I was then carried to this prison ! Oh ! horror, horror ! 
What may, what will become of me ? Great powers of glory protect me 
and deliver me from my bondage ! Who could have been so cruel as to 
abduct and incarcerate me thus? An idea flashes through my half 
frenzied brain. It was the same Bloody Conspirators who tried to 
poison my beloved Victor, that have sent me to this place ; but 
what will they do with me? This is horrible, most horrible! be- 
cause any one who is bad enough to have me thus abducted and 
imprisoned, is also vile enough to abuse and murder me, if that 
suits his pleasure and plans best. 

What really have I done to merit such foul treatment ? Let me 
think ! I have always been kind to every one, have no enemies that 
1 know of; but now it flashes upon my distressed soul, I have stood 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 15 

by the side of dear Victor, I have conspired with Pat and Judy to 
save my beloved ! Oh ! Darling Victor, save, save me now, from 
the impending danger that awaits your unprotected Lucinda ! My 
persecutors are monsters, or they could not tear me away from my 
dear old father, and from my dearly beloved Victor! God, if thou 
ever hearest the prayers of mortals, hear mine ! 

[Kneeling.'] Infinite and all powerful Creator, I invoke thee 
and all thy vitalizing influences, to stultify and deaden the head 
and hand that has brought me to this cruel place. I pray Thee, 
heavenly Father, to shield the just and faithful, whilst Thou wilt 
confound the wicked conspirators who have sought to ruin and de- 
stroy me and mine : and 0, Lord, look with compassion on thy dis- 
tressed servant who would freely offer up her life in purity and in- 
nocence, for the good of heaven's righteous cause. Moreover ! 
I humbly pray thee, send thy messengers of grace to guard and 
protect my beloved and heroic Victor, whose strifes and struggles 
on behalf of his race are herculean ! Grant me this humble suppli- 
cation, and thy name shall have all the glory for ever and ever! 
\_RatUing of chains, unbolting of doors, ^"c. Enter Deacon Rob Stew 

in disguise, ivhich causes Miss L. Armington to sivoon.'] 

[Victor Juno, sitting on the floor of his dungeon in a dreamy state, 
seeing the ghost o/General Armington.] 

Geyi. A. Dr. Juno, prepare yourself to meet your God, for I am 
going to shoot you forthwith for abducting my daughter. 

Dr. J. My dear General, you greatly wrong me ; I have always 
treated your daughter with profound respect ; moreover, you forget 
that I have jeopardized my miserable life to save hers, and I would 
do so a thousand times over for the fair, virtuous damsel ; why then 
do you accuse me of ruining your child ? have you no more confi- 
dence in me than that ? 

Gen. A. I will forbear, until I can investigate the truthfulness of 
your assertion ; if you are guiltless, fear nothing, but go ahead ! 
May heaven protect the innocent. 

l^Getieral's Ghost walks aioay, but an angel appears, holding up two 
emblems.] 

Angel. Dr. Victor Juno, this emblem [^white one.] represents a 
youth whose wisdom excels his vanity, and who, if he prove true to 
his intuitive gifts, will be compelled to go through a fiery furnace 
for a brief season , but if he continues to trust in an over-ruling, just, 
and infinite God, will have this crown set upon his head. 

\^The angel ivaves the crown in the air, and produces another one.] 

If you prove faithless and fearful, you will inherit this crown, [red 
croicn.] which is prepared for all who flag and faint in the hour of 
persecution. [Dashes it to the floor and breaks. Juno aivakes.] 

Dr. J. I have had a peculiar dream, a beautiful dream, but what 
is there in dreams? Great God, since I am deserted by man, I 
thank Thee for having permitted an angel from yonder realms of 
the blessed to come unto me, and direct me what course I shall 
pursue to accomplish my work. I shall heed the admonition, and 
bear patiently all that my persecutors can heap upon me ; knowing 
that I am in the right, I must also be convinced that God will not 



16 THE SOCIAL WAR 

permit me to die for naught, and what can it matter to the Natural- 
ist, whether he is sacrificed in one way or another, only so that his 
beloved cause may prosper. 

[Miss Armington comes to, the Beacon having darkened the cell.^ 

Dea. S. I have come to offer you freedom, and my heai't and hand 
in marriage, and 1 hope you will not refuse me this request. 

Miss A. Sir, who are you that dares to insult me thus, and why 
have you darkened this prison cell? Are your intentions so dark 
and foul, that you cannot present them in the light of day ? 

Dea. S. I am a man of tender aflFection towards you, but as 1 have 
lately noticed you to conspire with a vile atheist, I felt it my duty 
to separate you from him until you had time to repent. 

Miss A. Fiend that you are, do you suppose for a moment that a 
woman could or would yield to a man's wishes, who can be guilty 
of so foul a deed ? Further, I would like to know by whose author- 
ity, and by what august power, you have taken this outrageous 
task upon yourself to abduct, and cast me into this prison ? 

I)ea. S. Dear lady, you are haughty ; I really admire your high 
toned spirit; but your desire to be sarcastic and stubborn will not 
profit you aught ; neither will you receive your liberty until you 
yield to my desires. 

Miss A. Monster, have you lost your manhood, and how could 
you expect a woman to accept the proposals of a man or beast, who 
uses such criminal measures to gain the hand of woman ? 

Dea. S. Go on with your sophistries, but methinks you will be 
very glad to accept my offer; now come, let us understand each 
other: I am handsome, rich, influential, religious, and only fifteen 
or twenty years your senior. 

Miss A. You are handsome, rich, influential, religious, and only 
fifteen or twenty years my senior; why is it then that you cause 
total darkness in this cell, and disguise yourself? You should show 
your beauty, and give the woman of your philanthropic choice an 
opportunity to behold that handsome person, whose wealth, 
influence and religion are so prominent. Indeed your acts exhibit 
very holy(?) attributes of piety, but as to wealth and riches I have 
no doubt that by your demoniacal deeds you are capacitated to wring 
money from the thousands, and with its corrupting power, influence 
whole communities of your equals in crime. 

Dea. S. Heigh, ho ! but you are a philosopher, as well as a charm- 
ing damsel; by my soul, I am taking renewed fancies for the jewel 
I have found. 

Miss A. Do you think, sir, that you can conquer me? Do you 
dare to beard the tigress in her den? You have brought me here, 
from some motive best known to yourself, and whilst you have not 
the manly courage to show me your features in the light, you may 
think you have me in your power, and can badger and insult me as 
you choose ; but I now warn you to beware how you provoke me, lest 
by some miraculous power, I strike you to my feet, and bruise your 
venomous head. 

Dea. S. Sweet lady, you would not do all that at one time, would 
you, darling of my heart? [She tears the mask from his face, and 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 17 

deals him blow after blow upon his mouth, nose and eyes, until the 
blood flies in every direction. '\ 

Miss A. Now go, and leave me, or I'll murder you, before you 
will be able to gain help. 

Dea. S. [Iftimbled and scared.] I'll go, but give me a moment to 
collect my senses. 

Miss A. Go ! 

Dea. S. [^Going through a secret door and exclaiming .'\ I'll be a 
match for you when 1 call again. 

Miss A. Great heaven ! \^She runs to the place of exit, but finds it 
closed, and seeming like a wall of adamant.'\ 

SCENE III. The garden of Gen. Armington. Pat O'Conner and 
Deacon Rob Stew, in discussion. \^Groove. i.] 

Fat O C. Dacon yer honor, I have heerd sich talk aboot this mis- 
ther Juno chap, what makes me blood run coold ; but, yer honor 
will not spake agin ov this matter, will ye ? 

Dea. S. Certainly not Pat, but will you tell me what it is? 

0' C. Och ! be Sant Patrick, I belave that som of the wicked 
paople stharted a talk that ye were the cause of Miss Lucinda, me 
Mishtress, alopin wid that Juno chap ; becase ye would not ax her 
to marry ye. 

Dea. S. Is that what you have heard? 

O'C. Vis yer honor, that's it. 

Dea. S. Sure Pat, you have heard nothing more, and you do not 
believe that, do you? 

O'C Howly Moses, yer honor, I do belave that Miss Arming- 
ton was mad wid ye, becase ye would not ax her fur to marry ye , 
an' fur to sphite ye, she runned away wid this Mishter Juno ; do ye 
mind that ? 

Dea. S. No, My faithful Pat, but as you are a true friend of mine, 
in whom I feel sure I could entrust my life, I will give you a little 
insigbt into this matter. But, Pat, you must be secretive, and not 
mention it to a living soul. 

0' C. Howly Sant Patrick, I would not spake of it to any par- 
son, an' ef it would smash me life into smithereens ; belave me, yer 
honor. 

Dea. iS^. I do, good fellow ! Well Pat, Miss Lucinda and Victor 
Juno did not elope, but they were abducted by some of the medical 
opponents of Victor Juno. 

O'C. Abdoocted, yer honor; bedad, an' are ye sicre on that, 
air ye? 

Dea. S. Yes Pat, I am sure of it. 

0' C. Howly saints, an' ye know that me mishtress be murdher- 
ed, an' ye would not tell me mashter, but let him go to Europe fur 
to hunt his murdhered child ; ! ye bluddy curmudgeon, what do 
ye ixpict will become of ye ? 

\_Pai is now ready for a fight.'} 

Dea. S. Pat, Pat, you do not understand me ! 

O'C. Begorrah 1 an' I do understand ye, abdoocted, ye mur- 



18 THE SOCIAL WAR 

thering hypocret, an' may the divil swallow me whoul body an' 
sowl, ef I don't tell on ye, an' that this very hour, ye squally mur- 
therer, fur ahelpin' to abdooct me swate mishtress ; An' will ye till 
me where ye hev buried her ? 

Dea. ^. Pat, you are crazy ; listen to me, she is not dead I 

O'C. Not dead ? [looking amazed and dumbfounded.~\ How could 
she bee abdoocted, an' be not dead ? 

Dea. S. Now Pat, calm yourself, and I will explain to you all 
about it ; she is living, healthy, and will be evidently happy when 
I shall see her and offer myself in marriage to her. 

O'C. Yer honor am not hoaxin', am ye? [Lookitiff quizzically, 
mistrustingly , but his face lighting up.^ 

Dea. S. Certainly not, good Pat; you evidently do not under- 
stand the meaning of abduction. Abduction means carefully taken 
away from danger, 

O'C. Do it, yer honor, an' I am plazed it manes that, but be 
jabers, I tought it ment murdher. 

Dea. S. Well Pat, you are now satisfied, are you not ? And you 
will keep the secret? for I promise you, all will be for the best. 

O'C. Yis sur, I bees your fathful sarvant, as ye plaze to have 
me. [ Aside. 1 I'll plaster his nist. 

SCENE IV. Insane Asylum, as before. Several weeks intervene be- 
tween these scenes. Dr. V. Juno's terrific struggle with the night 
watchman. Jemmy, an overseer, gives Dr. Juno a hammer, rope 
and chisel, and leaves his cell gates unbolted. 
Jemmy. [The false overseer, calling at the cell gates. 1 Victor Juno ! 

Victor Juno ! 

Dr. J. Who calls me ? I am Victor Juno. 

Jemmy. Hear me ! I will leave these gates unbolted, and here are 

some implements of escape. [Handing them through the feed hole.'\ 

But promise me not to leave your cell until to-morrow at midnight. 
Dr. J. Noble fellow, I will obey you; many, many thanks. 
Jemmy. You are very welcome, only do not expose me ! 
Dr. J. Who are you? 
Jemmy. I am Jemmy, the overseer, and particular friend of Pat 

0' Conner and Judy McCrea. 

Dr. J. Heaven be glorified ! Oh ! I'll soon be free. Ha ! ha ! 

ha ! old phariseeg. I'll be after you worse than ever when I get out 

of this place. 

[Deacon Rob Stew's second visit to the cell of Miss L. Armington.] 
Dea. S. My dear Lucinda, I am delighted to see you, although 

very sorry to find you in this place. 

Miss A. [At first she looks rather pleased to see him, but the truth 

flashes upon her mind as she saysyl You, scoundrel, can dissemble 

beautifully. 
Dea. S. What is the matter with my sweet child ? do not look so 

.distressed ; I have come to offer you freedom, and my heart and hand 

in marriage. 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 19 

Mf'ss A. Avaunt: you fiend; I know you now, and you need not 
dissemble, and act the hypocrite any longer. I s.'ty you ha<J better 
be gone, or I'll give you another beating, that will leave worse 
marks than the one you now carry on your nose. Do you hear me? 
Be gone ! 

Dea. S. Miss Armington, how dare you insult me in this manner, 
when I came to you in the kindest manner, and with the holiest 
intentions. You are an ingrate, who deserves no better treatment 
than you are receiving in this cell, and I shall leave you in a 
moment, as you request it, but before I go, let me say that I am Dea- 
con Rob Stew, and I would have you know that my power and 
influence is greater than any monarch in Europe; therefore beware 
how you insult and cast me ofi". 

Miss, A. You are Deacon Rob Stew, the powerful and influential 
saint ; yes, and you were handsome before I destroyed your beauti- 
ful nose the other day, when I beat you like a howling cur. 

Dea. S. You beat me like a howling cur. When and how was 
that ? 

Miss A. If you don't leave me, I will show you how! [Her eyes 
fiasUng fire and fury.'] 

Dea. S. My dear young sister, now come let us be serious, and 
talk like Christians, not like sinners, for you must know that I love 
you, have always hoped you would become my wife. And had it 
not been for that profligate innovator, Victor Juno, I undoubtedly 
would have remained foremost in your atfections. 

Miss A. May the curse of an avenging Maker fall upon your lep- 
rous tongue ; and the spirit of unrest never cease to molest and tor- 
ture your wicked soul, until you retract every word that you have 
ever spoken against that honorable gentleman. Y'os, may heaven 
sow thorns and thistles in your path, that your body may be pricked 
and torn to pieces by them, as you have endeavored to lacerate 
mine and the noble Victor's hearts, by your bloody conspiracies 
against us both. You are a detestable villain, and I wonder that 
you are not afraid that the Creator will strike you dead forthwith, 
and send your loathesome soul into the regions of everlasting tor- 
ment. Do you hear that ? Now you have my sentiments, therefore 
leave me instantly ! 

Dea. S. I pray you listen for a moment to me, and then if you 
are not satisfied, I will quit you forever. 

Miss A. Well then, say on, but no more insults, remember that. 

Dea. S. You blame me for things of which I am entirely innocent ! 
I have never conspired against you, but I cannot say that much for 
Victor Juno. 

Miss A. Accursed falsifier that you are, would you damn your own 
hypocritical soul over and over again by adding insult to injury. 

Dea. S. Hear me through, before you become so severe; I do not 
wish to shield myself from any crime or sin that I may have com- 
mitted on your behalf. 

Miss A. What do you mean by saying you have committed crime 

in my behalf? . 

Dea. S. My dear Lucinda, I love you, and love is blind to every- 



20 THE SOCIAL WAR 

thing. It Avas this extreme afFectiori for you, sweet lady, that drove 
me to commit acts that nothing else in the world could have driven 
me to do. 

Miss A. I have never done anything to encourage you in that di- 
rection, and if what you say is true, of which I have my doubts, I 
pity you, but that is all the consolation you can ever expect from 
me. Even had I possessed any regard for you, the acts which you 
have committed against him whose very foot prints I love more than 
the entire existence of thousands like yourself, would have caused 
me to spurn you. 

Dca. S. Is there then no hope for me? I was told by Pat 0' Con- 
ner that you only took to Victor Juno, because I did not propose 
marriage to you. 

3Iiss A. And you were fool enough to believe what my servant 
told you. 

Bea. S. Why should I not have believed it? Did you not always 
treat me kindly, and appeared glad to see me at your house, until 
that innovater made his appearance. 

Miss A. Sir, if you desire my audience, even in this prison cell, 
cease to call my beloved Victor names, or I'll refuse to listen to you. 

Dea. S. Well, proud lady, I then shall be compelled to remove 
this "beloved Victor" from your reach, and unless you promise to 
lend me your ear and give me some hope, I shall cause his death. 

Miss A. What ! would you become a murderer ; would you add 
this foul crime to your already blackened deeds done in the body ? 
Avaunt, I say, or I'll tear you limb from limb, you miserable fiend, 
and save you the trouble or pleasure of injuring my beloved Victor. 

Bca. S. As you insist upon it, I will leave you : but mark, your 
" beloved Victor " shall fare badly. Ha ! ha ! ha ! farewell ! 
[Uxit Deacon R. Stew.] 

Miss A. For aught I know, he is now enduring the pangs of a lin- 
gering death ; because I am sure this vile deacon would be guilty of 
anything to gain his selfish and brutal ends. Oh ! Victor ! Victor ! 
may the Infinite hand of Jehovah protect and guard you against the 
wiles, plots, and conspiracies of these bloody people ! What have 
you ever done to injure them? What have you ever done to injure 
any one? You are so noble, so benevolent, so very generous and so 
zealous to improve your race, that I cannot see what benefit it is to 
a man to do good in this world. 

[Dr. Juno's terrific struggles with the night watchman in the corri- 
dor.'] 

Dr. Juno. I have gained a great point in getting out of my dun- 
geon, but how to make my way out of this corridor is more than I 
know, which is in itself a perfect prison? I shall not be expected 
here, much less does any one dream that I have these implements of 
escape in my possession. I might wait here until morning, and 
when the keeper comes, could easily dispatch him, but I do not de- 
sire to become a murderer. \^Goes behind the door.] The night 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 21 

watchman might not be far away. I'll try a deep moan, and see if 

I cannot bring him to me. 

[Niffht watchman enters the dark corridor, letting key in door; Dr. 

Juno secures the key, locks the door and pockets the key, then they 

hunt in the dark, meet, grapple, scuffle terribly ; Juno gains; keeper 

asks for mercy. '\ 

Night Watchman. Mercy! 

Dr. J. If I let you loose will you promise me to be docile and per- 
fectly quiet; I mean make no noise? 

N. W. Certainly 1 will. 

\_No sooner loose than he makes for the door.'] 

N. W. ^^Aside.] I shall lock you devil or lunatic up, until you 
can be secured ; but, Heaven ! the door is locked. 

Dr. J. Sir, you are not as good as your word; therefore, I shall 
be under the disagreeable necessity of compelling you to be silent, 

N. W. [Trembling.] What do you want me to do ? 

Dr. J. Sir, I want your promise to keep silent, and come over 
here and sit quietly down on the floor, until daylight. 

K W. If you come near me again, I will shoot or stab you ; I 
have both a revolver and dirk ready for action. 

Dr. J. Indeed, sir, then I shall be compelled to beat your brains 
out with this huge hammer which I hold in my hand ; so you see 
two can play at this little game. 

]V. W. Tell me, who are you, and what do you want? You seem 
to be sane. 

Dr. J. Yes, sir, I fear I am too sane and powerful for you ; but 
who and what I am, or want here can be no aff'air ©f yours this night, 
so you better obey my orders, when not a hair on your head shall 
be harmed. 

N. W. Great God! he is mad, [Aside.] Did you bolt this door? 

Dr. J. Yes, sir, I did, and have the key of it in my possession. 
[Swinging the key in his hand.] I say will you obey me? speak and 
act, or I'll send you swift as lightning into the next world. 

N. W. Murder! [The frightened N. W. screams murder \ Dr. Juno 
strikes in the direction of the voice and hits him, causing him to reel. 
They grapple terribly, but finally Dr. Juno binds him.] 

Dr. J. Now, sir, I think your pistol and dirk wont avail you much, 
and I implore you to give them to me, or I'll handle you very 
roughly. 

N. W. I have neither pistol nor dirk. 

Dr. J. Then I'll send you to my cell. 

[He places him in his cell and locks it, after ivhich he escapes.] 

ACT III. 

SCENE I. Street Audience ; they frequently applaud. [Groove 1.] 

Dr. Juno. Beloved Friends : — Until church and state (in my sense of 
what the ch urch is) become one, and an indivisible institution, there 
can be no p erpetually natural government established, where God's 
will " will be done in earth as it is in heaven; " nor can peace and 



22 THE SOCIAL WAR 

good will reign between the children of His footstool. Before being 
able to elucidate this subject scientifically, it behooves me to show you 
that Church and State simply aim at government — the government 
of mankind ; but before mankind can be governed aright, each one 
must first learn to understand God's fixed law, that was ordained 
for man's government, and he must then be able to govern himself, 
and that fixed law is his king, which he must obey, or suffer the 
penalties that are sure to follow all violations of the Creator's im- 
mutable injunctions. 

The Church as now conducted (including all sects) is an institu- 
tion that throws all the responsibility of mismanaged government of 
body, soul,^or spirit, upon the blessed and immutable Creator of all 
things ; an institution that recognizes no unalterable science of life 
in its tenets ; an institution that, in its short-sightedness, has in- 
scribed upon its banner, '^believe and be saved,'" whilst it overlooks 
the multitudinous injunctions of God and Nature, that point with 
the finger of science to "good works," by which all are to let their 
"light shine before men." These "good works" consist in the 
government of thinking beings, so that they vinderstand, appreciate 
and live a natural life, showing that although one has " no place 
where to lay his head," still he would continue faithful to the end. 

An institution Avhose ministers or apostles sell out to the highest 
lucre bidders, like the voters in State; hence, love the "upper- 
most seats at feasts." 

The State, as now conducted, is an institution where cunning men 
mislead and make drunk, with rum and flowery, meaningless logic, 
the masses of the voters, who are esteemed by the wily scoundrels 
good fellows when voting is to be done to elevate them to positions 
which they yearn to usurp, that they may rob the children of earth 
of lucre and of their inalienable religious or natural liberties. {^Ap- 
plause.'] 

An institution that places haughty cut-throats and wholesale 
thieves into the offices of trust of the government ; who love filthy 
lucre, Moses seat, the uppermost seats at feasts, and prejudice, more 
than God, Nature, Man, or fixed law. [Applause.] 

An institution that drives thousands into the broad road that 
leads to hell ; impoverishes the millions at the glory of the few; 
drives many, thereby, to commit crime, who are compelled to steal 
or starve ; and builds prisons, penitentiaries, insane asylums and 
poor houses, into which they are cast for acts and conditions over 
which they liad no control, and there to ache out a more miserable 
existence ; whilst the popular cut-throats and wholesale thieves revel 
in wealth and power. [Applause.] 

Good people, awake to a sense of duty, and shulfle off" these mis- 
erable bloocl-suckers in your anti-natural church and state. 

" Look thi'ough nature up to nature's God," 
and learn to know that 

"Virtue is nothing but voluntary obedience to truth." 

[Terrific Applause.] 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 23 

SCENE II. Imam Aai/lum. Miss L. ARMiNaiON's cell. Deacon 
R. Stew enters her cell in a cloak. 

Dea. S. How is my darling young lady ? The last visit I 
made you was not as pleasant as either of us might have desired it, 
but I hope you will by this lime know me and my intentions fully ; 
therefore, yield to ray wishes like a wise, obedient child. 

Miss A. Indeed, sir. what are your intentions? \_ Contemptuously/.'] 

Dea. S. My intentions, my darling girl, are to make you my wife. 

Miss A. Well, and how do you propose to do this little business, 
by fair or foul means ? [ With a proud air.l 

Dea. S. Haughty lady, I'll tell you ; by fair means, if you prefer 
it : and by foul, if the former don't suit you. 

Miss A. Ha ! ha ! ha ! you must think that I am a fool or a baby. 
Do you forget the tutorage I gave you when you visited me on a 
previous occasion? ^Lauf/hing sarcastically.'] Deacon Stew, you had 
better be careful, or I'll murder you before you can leave this cell. 

Dea. S. Not so fast, my sweet (?) young lady; do you see this? 
\_Draws a revolver and points it at her breast.] Now stand back, or I 
will shoot you. 

Miss A. Shoot, you cowardly villain! \_Quick as lightning she 
knocks the pistol from his hand, and takes it herself^ pointing it towards 
his breast; he winces like a cur and begs her.] 

Dea. S. Oh! do not shoot; the pistol is loaded, [//e tries to 
back out of the door.] 

Miss A. Stand still, and do not move one step, or I'll blow out 
your cowardly and villainous brains ; do you hear me ? Remember, 
I am as good as my word, [//e stands like a statue,' petrified with fear; 
she laughs.] 

Miss A. You are a fine fellow, a nice saint, a model deacon, 
who dares to insult a helpless woman by all sorts of proposals and 
assaults. Now, I want you to listen to me sharply, and swear 
by the powers above us that you will do as I wish you to do, or I 
will shoot you dead. Do you hear me ? 

Dea. S. Yes, ma'am, I do. 

Miss A. In the first place, I want you to swear that you will 
never more harm Victor Juno, by word or deed, and will make im- 
mediate reparation for all the injury you have done him in the 
past. Swear it ! 

Dea. S. I cannot do that; anything but that. [She cocks the 
pistol and fires a shot into his right arm.] 

Miss A. This is shot number one, to disable your right arm; the 
next will be your black heart. 

Dea. S. Lord, help me, help me! 

Miss A. No, sir; the Lord won't help you, but I will. [Raising 
the pistol towards his heart.] Will you swear, or die in your sin and 
shame ? 

Dea. S. I'll swear to anything; propose the oath. 

Miss A. I will. Repeat after me, without mental reservation or 
prevarication, I, Rob Stew, do solemnly swear, without mental res- 
ervation, that I will never injure by word or deed, Victor Juno, and 



24 THE SOCIAL WAR 

that I will make immediate reparation for all the injury I have done 
to him in the past, so help me Heaven ! 

Dea. S. Now, Miss Armington, I have done it; will you, therefore, 
put that pistol down, and let me go in peace? 

Miss A. No, sir; not by a long ways; but you shall now give me 
your keys to this prison cell, and I will lock you up, and leave this 
place in your stead. 

Dea. S. [Aside, Mars!] Miss A — r — mington, would you be so 
cruel as to demand all this of me ? 

Miss A. Yes, sir, and more ; for fear that the demons and lunatics 
in the place below should re-capture me, I'll demand you to take oflF 
your coat and hat, and give them to me, for a disguise, that I may 
represent your holy self for once in my life. 

Dea. S. You certainly would not compel me to give you my gar- 
ments. 

Miss A. Off with them, or die, coward! [Eaises the pistol again; he 
oheys.'\ Now, tear that sheet into bands, and tie your holy feet 
tightly together. \_Oheys again.'] Here, take more, make a loop, 
place your hands behind your back into it. ^^He obeys, and she draivs 
it tight, and then casts him into a corner and throios bedding on kirn ; he 
screams.'] I'll stop you from making a noise. [^Sttiffs rays in his mouth 
and ties a piece over them. She dons his clothes and leaves.] Now, I'll 
leave this infamous hole, and if I cannot get out of the place peacea- 
bly, I will use this pistol until all the bullets are expended. Some 
one shall be free or die. \_She makes her way out, but is brought back 
again by the Asylum ojjicials.] 

[^Enter two keepers and cross the stage.] 

George. William, there is something wrong in this ward ; do you 
know what it is? 

William. Yes, Miss Armington has escaped from her cell, but the 
officials have secured her ladyship, and are now conducting her back 
to her old quarters. 

George. Poor creature ! 

William. Poor devil ! [Exit both.] 
They return her to the cell tvhere the Beacon is Ixid. Enter Phy-in-chief 
and managers.] 

Phy-in-Ghief. Where is the Deacon? 

Miss A. There [^Pointing.] under those bed clothes you will find 
him, waiting your august pleasure. [^Sarcastically.] 

P-in-Chief. Great heaven, how came this so? 
[The deacon is brought forth zvith bloodshot eyes; they remove his shack- 
les, when he pretends to faint.] 

Miss A. He only got his dues. 

P-in-Chief. He is dying, and you are his murderess, young wo- 
man. 

Miss A. Yes, in self-defence I subdued him, as any one would, 
and as I would do again. [Heedlessly.] 

P-in-C. How did you accomplish this work of Satan ? 

Miss A . [Smiling, and pointing to the pistol which he held, in his hand.] 
I did it with that little thing you hold in your hand. 
[The deacon comes to, and seeing the pistol, snatches it from the P-in-Chief 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 26 

and pointing it at Miss 4.] 

Dea. S. You she-devil, die! [^Misses Aer.] 

P-in- Chief. I am confounded and confused at the state of things. 
What is the matter between you two ; will either of you explain ? 

Dea. S. If you wish to know how all this came, I will tell you, 
after you restore to me my wearing apparel. 

P-in-C. What! have you given your clothes to her for the pur- 
pose of allowing her to escape in this disguise? 

Dea. S. No, indeed, I did not give them to her. 

3Iiss A. Yes, you did, coward. . 

• Dea. S. We — 11, yes, I did give them to her, but not voluntarily. 

P-in-C. I see now how it was. 

Dea. S. Lord, how my arm aches. 

P-in-C. Your arm? what causes it to ache? 

Dea. S. Why, this she-devil of a woman shot me through it. 

P-in-C. How did she get the pistol? 

Dea. S. Well, brothers. I am now ready to tell you all about it. I 
have been in the habit of visiting her, and she treated me so savage- 
ly that I feared she would do me personal violence sometime. 
[^Men laugh.'] You may laugh, but I would as lief be housed up 
with a mad bull as with an infuriated she-devil like her. \_Hegives 
her a look, she returns the compliment toith a fiendish smile.'] Brothers, 
let us leave this cell ; I will tell you all about this matter elsewhere. 

P-in-C. I would rather you tell us in the presence of Miss 
Armington, as we should like to hear what she has to say to it. 

Dea. S. Will you then keep her safely away from me, for my arm 
is painful, and she may make an assault upon me, when I tell you 
all. [ilfen laugh again.] 

P-in-C. Go on, Brother Stew, we will warrant that she shall not 
touch you. 

Dea. S. I have been to visit this woman occasionally on errands of 
real charity; in fact, I loved the girl, and would have taken her from 
this place and made her my own wife ; therefore, you may know 
that I intended no harm ; but she abused me awfully, and the last 
visit preceding this one, she actually threatened my life. 

Miss A. Cowardly cut-throat, tell the whole of it. 

Dea. S. Who has a right to speak ? [.Savagely, loith a frown at 
her.] Well, brothers, I made up my mind that hereafter, when I 
would visit this modest virgin, 1 would carry weapons of defence; 
therefore, I brought that revolver with me to-day. 

P-in-C. How came she to possess it. 

Dea. S. She took it from me as I was about to defend myself 
against a furious assault upon me. I should have shot her, undoubt- 
edly, had she not knocked it from my hand, in less than the spar- 
kle of an eye, and as quickly picked it up, and presented the muz- 
zle of it to my breast, and vowed she would shoot me dead if I hes- 
itated to obey her orders. I saw that she meant what she said, but 
still I thought she would not shoot so freely as she once used her 
fists upon me ; but I misplaced confidence in her, which is proven by 
her firing a bullet through my right arm, on the least prevarication 
on my part to comply with her august orders. She vowed, after 



26 THE SOCIAL WAR 

sending that bullet through my ai'm, that the next time I hesitated, 
when she asked me to do a thing, she would shoot me through the 
heart. Now, I am not a coward, but discretion — 

Miss A. Ha! ha! ha! [Gives him a defiant look.'] 

Dea. S. Yes, laugh, you miserable she-devil; but the next time I 
have business with you, I will fix you so you cannot do any harm 
to me or aay one else, mind that. \_Iiow addressing the men.'] I was 
going to say that, under certain circumstances, discretion was the 
better part of valor; tl^erefore, I obeyed the fiend and ingrate, and 
trusted to Providence, and you see He has favored me. [He gives 
her a victorious look.] as He always does the elect. 

Miss A. You will see whom " He favors," if you live a little 
longer. 

Dea. S. Never mind, my lady, I will be even with you yet. But 
this she-devil was not satisfied with shooting through this arm, but 
ordered me immodestly to take ofi" my coat and hat, and give them 
to her ladyship. I even hesitated a moment, when she raised the 
pistol to my breast, and, undoubtedly, would have fired, had I not 
quickly obeyed ; then she ordered me to tear a sheet to fragments 
and tie my own feet together, and make a loop and place my hands 
into it, when she had me secured as you have found me. \_3Iiss A. 
keeps her eyes on the pistol, lohilst the P-in-C. holds it in hand, after 
taking it from the Deacon, and loith a bound snatches it and jumps into 
a corner, points it at Deacon Stew's head] 

Miss A. Now leave speedily, all of you, or I will rid this world of 
a lot of the vilest cut-throats that ever breathed the breath of life. 
l^Exit all speedily.] 

SCENE III. Christian Temple. Secret meeting of the " Order of Nat- 
uralists. " Dr. V. Juno' s stirring speech to the Naturalists. [ Groove 1.] 

Dr. Juno. Dear Brothers : You all know what is incumbent 
upon every one of us in these troublous times. When the leaders 
of piety meet in secret conclave continually, for the purpose of sub- 
jugating those who behold God in Nature, and who recognize Na- 
ture to be the language through and by wliich an Infinite, Benefi- 
cent and immutable Creator speaks to us in scientific " arts," it is 
time that we gird on the armor, not only of defence, but of aggres- 
sion. [^Applause.] 

"I ask each one of you then : Do we love our scientific, progres- 
sive teachings, and an infallible Creator as much as these vile vipers 
do their master — the devil — and his work ? Do we fear them who can 
destroy the body, but cannot harm the soul of the just? Do we as- 
sume to be men, whilst we permit these serfs of the devil to usurp 
all power on earth, or will we strike for our rights, our homes, God 
and fixed law ? [^Applause.] 

Brothers, now I am ready to lead you to the rescue of my be- 
trothed wife. Miss Lucinda Armington. \_Tremendous Applause.] 

SCENE IV. Insane Asylum. Miss L, Armington' s cell, but before 
entering, Deacon R. Stew gives directions to two of the keepers in 
corridor. 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 27 

Dea. Steiv. George and William, I want you to take this pair of 
handcuffs and put them securely on the she-devil. Place her hands 
behind her back and fasten them tightly, so that she cannot slip 
them off. Also light the gas in her cell. 

George. Your honor, we shall be careful and do matters rightly. 
[George and William enter cell.'] 

Dea. S. Now, my proud tigress, [Gleefully rubbing his hands.'] 
this time I will have you fast enough. Yes, and I have chosen the 
night for the gratification of my love. 

George. Miss, we have business with you. 

3Iiss A. Who's there? and what do you want at this unseasona- 
ble hour of the day ? [Sitting at her table, meditating. They advance 
without speaking.] Stop, or I'll shoot you. 

George. Your threats are barren, for your pistol is empty ; we 
know what we are about. [Instantly as he gets near her, she deals him a 
fearful blow on the head with the pistol, which sends him reeling. Will- 
iam now tries his hand, but also receives a blow that sends him dumb to 
the floor. George scrambles up.] Miss Armington, we do not wish 
to harm you, nor did we come here of our own accord to insult you ; 
but we were ordered here. 

Miss A. Who ordered you, and what to do? 

[ William on the floor groans.] 

George. You have killed him ! 

Miss A. What is that to me ? and I kindly tell you, unless you 
leave me, I loill kill you both, mark me ! 

[Miss A.'s back is to the door, which is rattled by the Deacon, when 
George catches her elbows as she turns to see tvho is at the door.] 
Dea. S. Have you handcuffed her securely? 
George. Yes, sir. 

Dea. S. Then I will come in. [Unters.] 

3fiss. A. Oh ! you most miserable coward, I thought it was your 
pusillanimous work. [Exit George and William, the hitter stagger- 
ing.] 

Dea. S. Truly, Miss, I made up my mind to be even with you. 
[Aliss A. is very docile.] I intend to make you frequent visits at 
this hour, and in this manner. How do you like it? 

Miss A. I'll throw him off his guard till I find a chance to punish 
him. [Aside.] Well, I suppose I must submit, because you certainly 
have me fully in your power. 

Dea. S. You seem to appreciate that, do you ? [Rubbing his hands 
in glee.] I mean to use you just as I please, since you refuse to be- 
come my wife; however I will again say, that if you voluntarily 
marry me, I will not force you ; now choose between the two, for I 
shall conquer you. 

jlfiss ^. Do you think so ? 

Dea. S. I know so, for the Lord is always on the side of His elect. 
[He now places his arm around her waist, pulls her to his breast ; she per- 
mits it gracefully, only she turns her face aside, when he kisses her on 
the cheek, suddenly she takes his long ear into her mouth and bites it, 
until the Deacon fairly yells.] Murder ! Murder! 



28 THE SOCIAL WAK 

[Miss A. holds on to his ecu- until his hot blood runs so thickly doiun over 
her face that it suffocates and causes her to swoon ; she sinks to the 
floor, and the Deacon inclines over her prostrate form.} 

[Enter Dk. Juno and Naturalists ; Jvi^o flinging the Deacon aside.] 

Dr. J. Fiend ! who are you, and what have you done to cause 
her to bleed ? [He lifts her up and gently lays her on the bed.'} Oh ! 
my poor ! poor ! dearly beloved Lucinda. 

Miss A. God, v\rhere am I? Go away, you fiend, or I'll murder 
you yet ! 

Dr. J. [ Weeping.'] It is I, my precious darling, your own betroth- 
«d husband, fear nothing. 

[She stares with wild amazement.] 

Miss A. Great God, is i — t y — o — u? let this not be a dream ; 
I pray, I pray, great Father, let this not be a dream that will vanish 
with the awakening of my slumbers ! 

Dr. J. No, no, my precious one, it is not a dream, but a bona fids 
reality. [He tveeps like a child until his entire form shakes.] 

Miss A. Where is Deacon Stew? 

Dr. J. What ! May the curse of heaven and hell fall upon your 
lecherous carcass ! [Springing away from her, grasps the Deacon, and 
is just going to strike him; but, she screams.] 

Miss A. Victor, come here. [He obeys.] Do not mui'der him, 
my dear Victor ; leave him to heaven, and the wrath of his Maker. 
[Rises from her bed.] 

Dr. J. Darling, your opportune words have saved his miserable 
life ; but what has he done to you that you are so bloody ? 

Miss A. The blood that you see on me came from his body, not 
from mine. He had me handcuffed, and then he insulted me. 

Dr. J. What! handcuffed you ? 

Miss A. Yes, and they hurt my wrists severely ; please remove 
them, dear Victor. 

Dr. J. Great heaven ! you handcuffed, and I not see it : what a 
stupid fellow I am, but I will murder this foul demon; [Looking 
daggers at him.] soldiers, bind him like a felon, place his hands un- 
comfortably behind his back ; look, like this poor young lady's are, 
only make them tighter, so he may receive his reward. 

Have you the keys to these handcuffs, old hypocrite? [To the 
Deacon.] 

Dea. S. Yes, sir ; here they are. 

Dr. J. [U7idoes.] My darling, free once more from the shackles 
of these bloody conspirators, who shall be tortured nigh unto death, 
[Looking at the Deacon.] but shall yet live to feel their degradation, 
whilst they writhe in agony. 

Dea. S. Mercy, mercy ! be merciful ! 

Dr. J. Merciful ! ha ! ha ! ha ! merciful to you ; to you, a fiend, 
carrion, monster, cut-throat, ravisher of innocent, helpless women; 
you dare to ask for mercy at my hands again, and I will cut you to 
pieces by slow degrees, and cauterize every incision, you infamous 
dare-devil. [Addressing her.] My loved one, did he injure you? 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 29 

Miss A. [Blushinff.'\ No, sir ! 

Dr. J. It is well for him. How came he to bleed ? ^ 

Miss A. He endeavored to kiss me, when I caught his ear by my 
teeth and punished him severely, holding on until I was exhausted, 
and until he pled, for mercy. 

Br. J. Ha! ha! ha ! you then, my brave heroine, have punished 
him even whilst handcuifed ; this is rich ! Brethren, away with him. 
[Exit naturalists and Deacon.'] 

ACT IV. 

SCENE I. Gen. W. Armington's Drawing Room. De. Juno and 
Lvcmi) A Anm-SGTO's having a pathetic interview. ^Groove S."] 

Dr. J. Oh ! what can I do for having brought so much misery 
upon you, my dear, my most precious Lucinda? 

Miss A. Noble, brave, herculean hero, I love you a million times 
more for thinking so kindly of me ; but do not- worry about it. 

Dr. J. But I have really been the cause of all the misery that 
you and your excellent father had to undergo ; and you, dear saint, 
who have always had all you wanted or needed, have been taken 
away from everything that was delightful, and have been cast into 
a dungeon, been insulted, abused and tortured on my account ! 

Miss A. But listen, my precious one, I have found you by the loss 
you speak of; yes, for a brief period of suflFering and loss of imagi- 
nary wants, I have gained a jewel that is worth more to me than 
kingdoms and worlds combined ! Do not deem me a poor weak chit 
of a thing, but look upon me as a woman, who, knowing the right, 
dare also maintain it, and if the iirmament overhead falls. 

Dr. J. Holy Angel! [^Embracing and kissing her.] you speak like 
an inspired oracle from Heaven. 

Miss A. Yes, and who made me such but your noble self? \_Touch- 
ing him tenderly under his chin.~\ 

Dr. J. [Raising his head,] Heaven be glorified for giving me this 
"help-meet;" now am I blessed, now am I crowned with glory, 
and I feel that ten thousand deaths would be painless with you by 
my side ; you, whom I looked upon as a tenderly bred and lavishly 
raised child of affluence, have grown an inspired seraph, who can 
vitalize the dormant faculties of sage and sire; you, whose talis- 
manic power and expansive mentality can teach me what I thought 
no woman could do; you, who are worthy to become the wife of a 
throned monarch, how can I ever repay you for this intrinsic hero- 
ism ? 

Miss A. Precious dear, you can repay me fully by continuing to 
love me, and no woman is happier than to see her lover act like a 
man of principle, and a man of honor, who would suffer and die for 
the right, as I am convinced you would, for you have already suffer- 
ed the most cruel martyrdom ; have gone through many dangers, 
but have been saved by a higher power. Is this not so ? 

Dr. J. Yes, sweet saint, I am yours body and soul, and yours alone 
forever. [He presses her to his breast and kisses her.] 



30 THE SOCIAL WAR 

SCENE II. Tabernacle Hall. Last meeting of the bloody Coispi- 
rators. Deacon E. Stew making a speech. [Groove 2.'] 

Dea. S. Brothers and Sisters of the Sacredly Secret Conclave : 
this Dr. Juno has fairly tortured me ! We are besieged on all sides 
by those heretics who believe in and follow the teachings of Dr. 
Juno ; and unless we can exercise a powerful, unanimous influence 
with the orthodox religious classes, and also with those who deal in 
the merchandise to which Dr. Juno is opposed, we are lost. 

Just think, I have been compelled to listen to the recital of " on?^ 
solemn oath^' by Dr. Juno himself, and, after he had finished its re- 
cital, he had the audacity to ask me : 

" Deacon, how do you like my style of an oath ? " 

And he looked at me with an eye that said : 

" Don't I have your oath verbatim?/' 

Prest. P. What did you answer him ? for I am actually feeling 
weak in my loins, [Acts limber.'] to be compelled to listen to this 
dangerous story of Brother Stew. 

Dea. S. I said nothing, because I was struck with amazement. 

iV. C. How does it come that you were found in company with 
this vile innovator? 

Dea. S. Do you not know that Dr. Juno mobbed the Insane Asylum 
one night, and liberated Miss Lucinda Armington? [Distressed.'] 

iV. C. Why, certainly, this is news to liie, and I think it is so to 
the balance of the saints. Further, I cannot understand why he has 
not been arrested for so doing ; if he is not summarily punished for 
breaking the peace, and for intruding himself upon our holy insti- 
tutions, he will grow bolder, and become a more dangerous rival in 
the field of conflict ! 

Prest. P. Noble Sister Clover, you argue well, and 1 tremble, 
fairly shake in my boots, at this awfully perilous state of afl"airs. 

Dea. S. Friends, will you hear me out before you come to such 
conclusions. [Dictatorially.] 

N. C. Of course we will. 

Dea. S. Well, should we arrest Dr. Juno, as he dared us to do, he 
would profit by it, at our peril ; because Miss Armington is now at 
liberty, whilst Dr. Juno is surrounded by a numerous and deter- 
mined army of soldiers, who obey his commands without prevarica- 
tion or hesitation ; in fact, it is said that his men are ready to 
invade even this sacred hall and arrest us all, which would be an 
end of us. 

Prest. P. [Trembling with terror.] Heaven I look down from above 
and shield me ! Oh ! O Lord, I feel that we are lost ! lost ! lost ! 
I have always been fearful that we would make some awful blunders, 
and would be hung some day ! Oh ! Lord, I feel a choking sensa- 
tion already. 

N. C. You have always been a contemptible coward, and X order 
you to shut pan. If you cannot c?2Courage the saints, do not dis- 
courage them; but I want to hear our noble deacon finish what 
he has to say, when I will show you a plan to save our cause, and 
that will explode Dr. Juno's movements. 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 31 

Prest. P. Noble, holy, immaculate Sister Clover, you do so comfort 
me and calm my fears, for I have never found you to fail in anything. 

N. C. Silence, and let the deacon finish. 

Dea. S. Dr. Juno knows all our secrets, but how he has obtained 
them I am puzzled to know ; because I cannot believe that we have 
one brother or sister who would be wicked enough to violate our 
solemn oath, knowing what would be the result, 

Prest. P. Yes, let them remember Harry Gossimer's fate. 

Dea. S. I am not a coward, but since Miss Armington is at liber- 
ty, whilst Dr. Juno is surrounded by good and influential men, I 
must say that great danger is hanging over the sainthood. Still, I 
am in favor of rallying the friends of the elect all over the country ; 
but I am myself a prisoner of war, being under parole, and should 
I be found to aid or abet in this movement, I would be mobbed, and 
shot or hung ! 

N. C. I cannot think it, nor can I see why you lay so much stress 
upon the freedom of Miss Armington. She is nothing but a chit of 
"a thing, who has always depended upon her father, who is a confirm- 
ed lunatic. 

Dea. S. Do not deceive yourself, noble Sister Clover, about Miss 
Armington, for she is anything but a "chit of a thing." She is a 
perfect demon, a tigress, a strategist, and a cunning, fierce, and deep 
woman, who will wield more influence by half than any living man 
if she gets a chance ! 

N. C. She shall not get a chance, then. 

Dea. S. Then she will make a chance, for she has outwitted and 
outgeneraled me on every occasion. \_At this instant a furious knock 
at the door interrupted the speakers. Enter Dr. Juno and soldiers.^ 

Dr. J. I arrest you all! [The Conspirators resist, a battle ensues. 
The Naturalists conquering the Conspirators. 1 

SCENE III. General Armington's Drawing Room. Dr. Juno and 
LuciNDA Armington conversing about the v)ar. [Groove 5.] 

Miss A. Dear Victor, our wedding must then of a necessity bo 
postponed again on account of the incoming war. 

Dr. J. Yes, loved one ; I cannot attend to anything now, but to 
prepare for cruel war ! And this is the most cruel of all wars. 

Miss A. Are you sure, precious darling, [Leaning on his shoulder, 
weeping.'] that you have pleiity of followers to war against this 
people, who claim to constitute the Government ? 

Dr. J. Certainly, my dear, the "Secret Order of Naturalists" 
are legion all over the Union, but they do not go by this name. It 
is good management to let the enemy think that we are feeble, when 
they will not make any great preparations to meet us in the field. 

Miss A. My noble Victor, you truly are a great hero, and enthu- 
siastic strategist. May you prove yourself as competent to overcome 
the enemy, as you have proved to persuade my mind that you are a 
Hercules. 

Dr. J. And you are an angel, to encourage, appreciate and com- 
fort the sincere reformer, a thing most needed at all times. I love 



82 THE SOCIAL WAR 

you ten thousand times more for your hearty co-operation in this 
great work. 

3Iiss A. Thanks, darling, and I promise that if you should 
be so unfortunate as to fall in battle, or be taken prisoner, I will 
take your place. 

Dr. J. \^Snatchi7ig her to his bosom.l God bless you for that, my 
exquisite Lucinda. I am proud of you ; and your heroic determi- 
nation has fired my soul anew, and I shall go forth with more spirit 
than ever. 

Miss A. My dear Victor, was it not an awful thing for Congress 
to accept bribes from the pharisees, to pass the Amendment of the 
Constitution, as if God had to be recognized in public documents. 

Br. J. Still, it is just what I wanted to see, because this overt act 
caused my ball to roll, and I now have an opportunity to issue my 
first War Proclamation. 

3Iiss A. Are you then so anxious for war, my precious one ? 

Dr. J. Yes, the sooner it comes the better, so long as the right 
cannot conquer without it. So farewell, my dear betrothed wife, 
I feel fully convinced that we shall meet again. [Fmbrace.] Good 
bye ! \_They part, but return and embrace.'] 



ACT V. 

SCENE I. Gen. Akmington's Draiving Room. Miss Armington 
receives a Telegram that Dr. Juno is lost. Reads it. 

Miss A. Great heaven, a dispatch with our sign of death ! {Tears 
it open and reads.'] " Dr Juno was lost in last night's battle. Harry 
Gossimer." Now, 0, now, I must be clear headed and make for 
headquarters. \_Rings for Judy McCrea. Enter Judy.] Judy, my 
dear Victor is lost , and I must instantly go and take his place. 

J. lIcC. Och! howly Saint, Patrick, an' ye would not go tow be 
lost wid him ? Am it not anough fur the dear Dochter tow be 
killed. 

3Iiss A. Call Pat to me ! 

J. McC. I will, swate lady. [JEzit Judy.] 

Miss A. I shall take my faithful servants, Pat and Judy, with me. 
[Enter they.] Pat get the fastest horses ready, and yourself to 
boot, to carry us to the railroad depot. I must take Dr. Juno's place ! 
He is lost. 

P. O C. Lost! [Horror struck comically.] Be me sowl! Yis, that 
dirty dacon be they cause ov it, I belave ! An' will ye go an' fight? 
An ef ye do, I goes wid ye till the blud be as dape as me neck. 

J. McC. Pat, darlin', ye wud be kilt, wud ye, an' lave me alone in 
this bluddy world ? 

Miss A. Judy, there is no time for trifling, get ready to start. 

J. McC. Yis ma'am, an' I will. 

P. 0' C. An' ril do the same ting. [Exit Pat and Judy.] 

Miss A. God look down and comfort a bleeding heart. ["Weeps.] 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 38 

SCENE IL Court Martial of the Conspirators at their head quarters in 
an uncouth apartment. General Orthou, President. Col. Sancti- 
BLOWER, Generals Longhead and Wisdom, Captain Savage, and 
half a dozen others, besides soldiers , as Court officers. \ Groove 5.1 

Gen. Orthod. Gentlemen of the Commission, this man Juno has 
been badly wounded, but he is able to stand his trial. He is a 
brave fellow. Did you notice yesterday, when this Commission vis- 
ited him in the hospital, how he thanked us for the kindness of 
granting him a trial by Court Martial ? 

Col. Siuckvp. Yes, your honor, he thanked us for the opportunity 
of trial, having evidently expected we would shoot him without 
trial, as he does our men, 

Capt. Savage. He will find that he will not have m.uch to thank 
for, by the time we are through with him and his routed and ruin- 
ed army. 

Gen. 0. Bring in the prisoner. 

\_Enter Dr. Juno on crutches, guarded by four officers.'] 
Gen. 0. The Court is ready to proceed with the trial of the priso- 
ner ; are counsel ready to proceed. 

Pros. Attorney. We are prepared to proceed. 

\_Dr. Juno is ordered to stand up.] 
Gen. 0. Victor Juno, you are charged with high treason and mur- 
der; how say you, guilty or not guilty? 

Dr. J. Not guilty ! [/w a cool and composed manner.] 
Gen. 0. Dr. Juno, have you counsel engaged? 
Dr. J. No sir; I will be fully competent to act as my own coun- 
sel. 

Gen. 0. The Court is ready to hear the case. 

Pros. Attorney. Your honor, and Gentlemen of the Commission : — It 
becomes my painful duty to charge the prisoner at the bar, with 
felony of the highest grade. 

Firstly — This indictment charges you with high treason, and inci- 
ting to mob law. 

Secondly — It charges you with cold, premeditated murder of inno- 
cent persons, who have fallen into the hands of the rebel horde, 
which you claim to control. 

Thirdly — It charges you with riot, robbery, and malfeasance of 
office. 

The line of prosecution, which I propose to pursue, is that 
of the second charge, '^cold, premeditated murder,'^ which is ample to 
find a verdict for the States for murder in the first degree, the pen- 
alty of which, in times of rebellion, is death by shooting. I will 
not ask this commission to hear useless testimony, neither will I 
take up their precious time with the discussion of the minor char- 
ges as found in this bill ; but content myself with proving that you, 
Vict®r Juno, the prisoner at the bar, are guilty of shooting men 
dead, contrary to the usages of civilized life. 

Will George Henry Adkinson take the witness' stand ? \_Stvorn.] 

G. H. A. I was in the next to this last battle, which was fought 

in the southern part of the State of Ohio. Myself and several thous- 



34 THE SOCIAL WAR 

and other soldiers of the Union were taken prisoners, and after the 
fray was over, as Dr. Juno's officers marched us toward headquar- 
tei-s of the prisoner at this bar (Dr. Juno), I slipped away and re- 
turned by good luck to our own army. The rest were all shot by 
the order of Dr. Juno. 

Prosecuting Attorney. Were there any of our generals taken pri- 



soners 



Witness. Yes ; four. 

P. A. Name them. 

W. Generals Cadwell, Stew, Fancy and Pierce. 

P. A. Were these four generals also shot? 

W. Yes, sir. 

P. A. Do you know whether our wounded men were kindly 
treated? 

W. Yes, sir ; they were very kindly treated, and were very skil- 
fully doctored ; were very soon cured up, but were shot as soon as 
well enough to stand upright. 

P. A. Did this Dr. Juno, the prisoner at the bar, himself order 
them to be shot ; and did he not give them a chance to defend 
themselves ? 

W. He did himself order all to be shot ; but he gave them only 
this chance of defence, that they should voluntarily take his oath of 
allegiance, and go into his army at once, if well enough to do so ; 
if they refused, they were shot. 

P. A. Cross-examine. 

Dr. Juno. Did you see any one shot, with your own eyes, in the 
manner you have stated to this commission ? 

W. No, sir; I did not see any one shot, but I was told so, and 
read your proclamation and army orders to that eflfect in the news- 
papers. 

Dr. J. You should not swear to what you hear, or what you have 
read in the newspapers ; it is not a sound doctrine. That will do ; I 
have no more questions to ask. 

William N. Snigglefritz, sworn. 

P.' A. What do you know of this man — the prisoner at the bar? 

W. I know nothing but what I have heard and read in newspapers. 

P. A. That is not legal evidence. That will answer. 

Gen. OrtJiod. Mr. Snigglefritz, were you a soldier for the Union 
in this present conflict? 

W. No, sir ; not exactly a soldier, but I have been with the army. 

Gen. 0. Wliat did you do with the army ? 
W. I sold liquor and tobacco. 

Gen. 0. To whom did you sell liquor and tobacco ? 
W. To any one that would buy. 

Gen. 0. If I catch you again at that work, I'll have you court-mar- 
tialed ; mind me. 
W. Yes, sir. . 

GusTAVE Fierce, sworn. 

P. A. Where are you from, and what do ^ou know of Dr. Juno, 

the prisoner at the bar ; tell us all about it ? \_Ficrce a rapid speaker. 1^ 

W. I will. I was a spy in the army of the workingmen, and saw 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 35 

all your drunken soldiers shot in battle and after battle. Dr. Juno 
was always doing his duty, and he was always sober, too ; a thing 
that I cannot say of the Union army — 

P. A. [Interruptinc/ him.'] Stop, Fierce ; you talk entirely too 
fast, and too much that is irrelevant to the subject. Tell us, did 
you ever see or hear the prisoner shoot or order any one to be shot, 
who was a prisoner of war ? 

W. Yes, sir; I have seen the prisoners shot, and have heard the 
prisoner say to his men : Be sure you shoot well ; aim well, shoot 
fair and quick. In fact, the prisoner is a practical, clear-headed 
and sober man, which is more than you can say — 

F. A. Stop, stop — 

W. Yes, sir, I'll stop, but — 

Gen. 0. You must not speak any more than you are asked — 

W. I don't, for he told me to tell him all about this matter, and 
I simply complied with his request, an"d told him what I knew to be 
a live fact, for, really, I consider Dr. Juno the best soldier and 
purest man living. 

P. A. Now stop, sir, or I'll send you to prison. 

W. Oh, goodness ! do you think that you can scare me with pri- 
sons ? No, sir ; I am a native born Naturalist, although I (k) not 
belong to the Secret Order of Naturalists, of which Dr. Juno is the 
founder and father. 

F, A. That will do ; I have no more to ask. 

W. But I have not yet finished. 

F. A. Never mind that, but go ; leave the stand. 

W. I won't do it. 

JDr. Juno. Your honor, may I be permitted to cross-examine this 
witness ? 

Gen. 0. Certainly, sir. 

Dr. J. Mr. Fierce, were you in our army when Generals Caldwell, 
Stew, Fancy and Pierce were taken prisoners ? 

W. Yes, sir, indeed, I was at home at that hour. 

Dr. J. Do you know if these Generals (Caldwell, Stew, Fancy and 
Pierce) are alive, or were they shot ? 

W. They were alive three days ago. You know that you retain- 
ed them as hostages. [ WhisjJering and shocking surprise of the Court.'] 

Dr. J. That will do. 

[Testi?nor,y closes on both sides.] 
Hon. Bluster Gibbons' — Prosecuting Attorney's — Speech. 

Gentlemen of the Commission : The duty is incumbent upon me, as 
a loyal man to my God, to the elect and to the country, to argue 
this case in such a manner as to do reverence to our holy cause. 

Gentlemen, you have listened with great interest to the witnesses 
who were this morning examined. If we were not, each of us, 
fully assured that this Right Reverend, (?) this doctor of Divinity, 
and Doctor of Medicine and Psychology, was guilty of the crimes of 
riot, treason and cold-blooded murder, I should have more to say 
about the matter than I probably shall in the few remarks which 1 
propose to submit to you in this case. If there were any symptoms 



36 THE SOCIAL WAR 

of insanity ; if he had any slight signs of not being compos mentis, we 
miglit have some sympathy for the creature ; but a non compos 
mentis could not wield the mighty influence for evil that this priso- 
ner at the bar has done. 

He is a self made demon, who can speak so plausibly to the mass- 
es as to cause them to believe that he is the most learned and wise 
man, when he is moved by Satan, guided by imps and sustained by the 
cheek of all that is infernal and damnable ! Who, of you, ray hear- 
ers, doubt this ? Who of you doubt anything that I have said of this 
deliberate murderer ? 

I will wager all that is sacred to me that if this honorable Court 
will permit it, he will make an attempt in a harangue to justify him- 
self in every crime that he has figured. He is so lost to decency and 
good breeding, that his conscience is seared, and it is only sport to 
the wretch to murder our innocent soldiers, and if he had us this 
moment in his power, a* we have him, he would order us to be 
drawn into a line, and place a cannon at one end of the line, and 
blow us to glory like dogs ; yes, like he did our soldiers in every 
battle where any of our men fell into his dastardly hands ! 

In conclusion, gentlemen of the commission, I do not wish to iu- 
sjalt your intelligence, nor continue to argue with you as though you 
were also conscience-void, like this beast at the bar ! Although he 
looks self-satisfied and composed, but I assure you that he is almost ' 
scared to death ! Yes, I can at times see an expression on his 
countenance that shows his dread of the result of this just trial. 

Let us make an example of this leader of the greatest mob of ruf- 
fians that ever breathed breath ! Who are his followers and rioters ? 
I will tell you : the greasy, dirty mechanic, the common laborer, the 
off-scouring of the land, who are not good enough for us to wipe our 
feet upon ; yes, these stinking workingmen make up his so-styled 
army and navy, who have stolen our war implements by a series of 
secret society movements, knowing well enough that by fair means 
they could not have given us so much trouble. 

Gentlemen, I am not going to doubt your morality, your virtue, 
your Christian graces. I am not going to suppose for a moment 
that you mean to stand by and justify this flagrant violation of law 
by any further remarks upon this subject of these atrocious whole- 
sale murders. I shall simply present the testimony to you under 
the charge of ligid justice, and will ask you to find a verdict of 
guilty of murder in the first degree ! 

DR. JUXO'S GREAT, DEFIANT DEFENCE. 

Mr. President and Gentlemen of the Commissio7i : — As I am privil- 
eged to defend myself, permit me, in the onset of my remarks, to say 
that I shall not appear before you as a whining coward, nor shall I 
seek favors at your hands. 

You have not proved anything against me upon which, according 
to stereotyped orthodox usages, you could find a verdict of guilty 
against me for murder in any degree ; but I emphatically acknow- 
ledge that 1 have ordered all your men to be shot dead who were 
taken prisoners, and who would not take our oath of allegiance and 



OF THE TEAR 1900. 37 

fight in our army and navy against you, after I exhorted them to do 
so, and gave them an opportunity to defend themselves. \Hisses 
and groans.'] 

_ I am aware that this course of warfare is looked upon by all na- 
tions as outrageous, but I am not controlled or guided by the opinion 
of this or any other nation, simply because this and every nation on 
the globe are governed more by customs or habits than principle. 

War is always cruel, and thousands of innocent ones must suffer 
for the guilty, in such outrageous times ; but the right always con- 
quers in the end. It was such men as yourselves ; yes, you and your 
proselytes that have caused this barbarous conflict, and it is / who 
had shot, and intend to have all your rebellious men speedily 
shot, when taken as prisoners ; and if I die at your hands, Generals 
Caldwell, Stew, Fancy and Fierce die also ; such have been my or- 
ders. 

However, I feel that it would be best for my cause if you would 
shoot me; therefore, I resolutely and fearlessly defy you to shoot 
me. {Cries of Hear ! hear!''] If I should fall at your hands, it 
would cause such a holy indignation throughout the Union, amongst 
the sovereign people, the working people, whom the Hon. Bluster 
Gibbons styles, " the offscouring of the land, who are not good 
enough for you to wipe your feet upon, " that they would wipe you 
out like slate-pencil marks. Yes I am fully convinced that I had 
better die at your hands ; so find me guilty of anything, and vent 
your hypocritical spleen upon him who has been a "stumbling- 
block " in your unhallowed path, and then you will see the glory of 
God appear, \_Tremendous Applause.] 

I have done ; and it remains for you to do as you see fit ; in either 
case, /will be benefited. May God have mercy on your souls. 
\_Exit Dr. Juno under guard.] 

[The Verdict and Sentence.] 

Gen. 0. Well, gentlemen, I scarcely know what we had better do 
with this bold man ; if we find him guilty of murder in the first de- 
gree, as we ought, and sentence him to be shot, we may prove to be 
our own worst enemies ; for, assuredly, it will cause a mutiny in our 
ranks, which was plainly to be seen when Juno made that dare devil 
speech. I say wof guilty. 

Col. S. I say guilty of all the charges. [A high confusion now oc- 
curs, but the guilties carry by a great majority.] 

Gen. 0. Then Gentlemen, as you have found him guilty of murder 
in the first degree, I order the officers to bring in the prisoner for 
sentence. 

\_Enter Dr. Juno and four officers.] 

Gen, 0. Dr. .Juno, it is my painful duty to announce to you, that 
the Commission has found you guilty on all the charges. I am 
therefore compelled to pronounce the sentence, which is, that you 
be shot to-morrow morning at ten o'clock! May God have mercy 
on your soul ! 

JDr. J. [Coolly.] Thank you ! 



38 THE SOCIAL WAR 

SCENE III. Headquarters of the Army of the Naturalists. Mi8S 

LuciNDA Armington at her post in camp as General. [^Groove!.'] 

Miss A. Soldiers, Dr. Juno is condemned to die to-morrow at ten 

in the morning ! I have received a private dispatch to that effect. 

The entire Army and Navy must move at eight o'clock this evening, 

and if Providence is on our side, [raising her eyes heavenward,'] my 

beloved Victor will yet be saved. 

Soldiers. Hurra ! Hurra ! Hurra ! 

\_The drums heat and the furious sound of war is heard without.] 
Miss A. Soldiers, move cautiously and secretly upon the enemy, 
and deal him a permanent death blow ; show no mercy to persist- 
ently rebellious souls, but send them hence in haste, and let parti- 
cular terror reign throughout the country, until the last foe expires ; 
and may God and the right have all the glory. [Terrific Applause.] 
SCENE IV. Headquarters of the Conspirator' s Army. Dr. Juno 
brought out to be shot, but the Army of the Naturalists arrive Just in 
the nick of time to save him, and a terrible battle ensues, the Natural- 
ists being victors. [ Whole Stage.] 

[Enter a Captain and twenty soldiers.] 
Captain. Soldiers, the hour has come for the execution of a man 
who may be brave, but who has done much that is uncivilized ; I 
therefore, charge you to aim direct for his heart, when I give the 
command, and penetrate it so thoroughly that an end of this cruel 
war may come, [The soldiers are desponding in appearance, and mani- 
fest no enthusiasm in this work. Enter Juno between guards, dressed in 
plain, neat attire.] 

Victor Juno, it grieves me that I am called upon to execute this 
sentence of the Court Martial, which is, that you be shot at this 
hour. If you have any wish to make known, or word to send, I 
should be happy to gratify you by hearing you express it, before 
the veil of death closes over you forever. 

Dr. J. I have but one wish, [He raises his eyes and casts them piti- 
fully upon the soldiers who are to shoot him.] and that is, that the cause 
of God and the poor misled people might conquer speedily. [Turn- 
ing to the Captain.] Now, sir, I am ready to die ! 

Captain. Soldiers, prepare, aim 

[Enter Deacon Rob Stew, terribly agitated.] 
Dea. S. Great heaven ! Is Juno alive yet? The enemy is upon 
us in furious array. [ War ivithout.] Sum up all your soldiers 
quickly, and send them forth to repulse these demons. [Exit the 
Captain and his soldiers. The Deacon looks at Juno with scorn and 
attempts to murder him, by advancing toward him with drawn sword.] 
You, infamous heretic, have escaped death again, but heaven has 
spared me to do the work. 

[Enter Pat 0' Conner with a huge club, and kills the Deacon.] 
Pat. O'C Begorra an' ye bluddy curmudgeon, tak that I [Juno 
rtcognizes Pat, they embrace.] 

Dr. J. Oh ! dear Pat, [Pointing to the Deacon,] God and the right 
always conquer. Ha! ha! ha! [Hysterically.] Look Pat, our 



OF THE YEAR 1900. 89 

would-be murderer is finished. [In rushes the Army of the Natural- 
ists, Juno shouts.l Free again, thanks to the Eternal Father ! Come 
on, fellow Naturalists, I will lead you to victory, [^Exit all.'] 
[Enter Orthodox Officers.] 
Gen. 0. Comrades, we are all lost, unless the people join us, which 
they won't do. To arms ! all! Rouse the army, concentrate the 
forces, and strike vehemently. \^Exit, after which the final battle is 
fought, and the people aiding the Naturalists, cause the orthodox army to 
be slaughtered by the thousands, the leading officers of the latter being shot 
and pierced by sivords. Juno at the head of his army appears unharmed 
in front, ^c. Rev. Joe Pier, Dr. Toy Fancy, and all the leading Conspi- 
rators and Naturalists at head of the battle, the leading Naturalists killing 
the leading Conspirators. A TREMENDOUS SWORD COMBAT 
BY DR. JUNO AND GEN. ORTIIOD.] * 

SCENE V. Db. Juno and Miss Aemington, are married; .so also, 
are Pat O'Conner and Judy McCrea, and a scene of Eden gladness, 
in the shape of a transformation scene, closes the war, showing the dawn 
of the Millennium.'] 

[Dr Juno sits on the Throne of Grace, and besides him, his wife ; and 
on the side of Mrs. Juno, sit Pat and Judv in apparent humility, 
satisfaction and love ; whilst the Naturalists are plainly clad, and make 
up a picture of pure, beautiful, healthy and happy family. All this 
should appear to be in a garden, like Eden.] 
Dr. J. Beloved of mankind, we are now universally blessed with 

one faith, one interest, one heritage, one end, namely: happiness. 

May, therefore He, who is forever the same, have all the glory for 

ever and ever. 

Mrs. I. My soul swells with a never-ceasing bliss, since the new 

era has been established, and I thank Heaven, my Victor, and these 

good people for the overflowing of my cup. 

Dr. J. Let us praise God by uplifting our voices in an anthem of 

thanksgiving ! 

l^They all sing, whilst a brilliant transformation of features, ^c, takes 
place f or ascending o/ Victor and Lucinda.] 

THE END. 



The Play may end her?, unless a Transformation Scene is deiirert. 



ADVERTISEMENTS. 41 



Dr. S. M. LAPIS 

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42 ADVERTISEMENTS. 

9. KEY TO HEAVEN, a Scientific Explanation of the 
Bible, - .10 

10. THEILLING "PEOPHETIO" DEAMA; THE 
SOCIAL WAE OF 1900, &c., . - - .50 

Sold by agents, at Book Stores, and either, or all of them will be 
sent prepaid by return of mail upon receipt of price, except " Secrets 
of Generation," the third on this list, which will be forwarded only 
by Express on receipt of One Dollar, the party sending for it to pay 



Address, 

S. M. LANDIS, M. D., 
13 North Eleventh Street, 

April, 187A. PHILADELPHIA, PA. 

Notice to Dealers — One-half (|^) less than above (retail) prices 
to any one purchasing not less than 100 copies of each kind, Pur- 
chaser to pay Expressage. One-quarter (J) less than retail prices 
for any number less than 100 copies. 

Terms Cash in Advance. No Collection on Delivery. 



To Lyceums, Churches, Societies, 

Lecture Committees and 

Private Parties, 

Who wish to raise money in an easy, sure and philanthropic way. 

Dr. S. M. I.ANDIS, 

The Celebrated Star Lecturer, of Philadelphia, will make engage- 
ments with Committees, Societies, Lyceums, and Individuals to 
deliver one, or the Series of Six, of his soul-stirring and extremely 
humorous. 

Dramatic Orations on the Devil 

That draw crowds everywhere and charm, thrill and instruct 
Christian and Secular Audiences, causing all to laugh until they 
fairly shake ! They laugh whilst they learn the "Science of Life." 
These Orations are Copyrighted. 



ADVERTISEMENTS. 43 

Lectures on other topics of the day, or Readings from the Poets 
and Great Authors, or from his own Dramas and Humorous Works, 
will be given, in dramatic and lively style, if desired. He has in 
the last twenty years given over 3,000 orations, lectures, sermons 
and recitations; is in the prime of life, vigor, and health. 

BRlEr SYJVOrSIS OF ORATIONS. 

PROLOGUE.— The Creation. Eden. Adam and Eve. The first appearance 
of the Devil. Who and what is he? Pi'ecepts and example of Christ. Second 
appearance of the devil. His kingdom and government, consisting of his Cabinet, 
Army, Navy, Congress, Courts and Subjects. His victory and final fall. 



PROPERTIES 

OF 



1. AIR— Angels or Imps, &c. 

2. LIGHT AND HEAT- Welders and solidifiers of tissues. 

3. WATER — Detergent; cleanser; regulator of tempera- 
ture, &o. 

4. FOOD— The Replenisher or weaver of tissues. 

5. SLEEP— Nourisher of brain, and distributor of nervous 
fluid. 

6. REST OR FASTING-The uncloggers and pacifiers of 
the human mill. 

7. EXERCISE OR PRAYER— Directors of normal locomo- 
tion of limb, brain and thought. 



PROPERTIES OF POISONS, 

1. ANIMAL OILS, FAT OR GREASE-Creators of longing 
for tobacco, drugs, &c. 

2. PEPPERS, SEASONINGS AND DRUGS-Oreators of 
chemical or artificial thirst. 



44 ADVERTISEMENTS. 

3. TOBACCO— Embalmer of organs and glands, and lock 
and key to the secretions, &c. 

4. EUM AND PERMENTED FLUID S-Strangulators and 
drowners of tlie inner-man. 

5. MINERALS found in the human system are the Devil's 
thieves. 



ORATIONS. 



1. How the Devil conquers children, dupes parents, &c. 

2. How he is neglected, becomes spiteful, kills the soul and 
gobbles up his victim, &c. 

3. Why God does not kill the Devil, &c. 

4. Why Eves (Ladies) obey the Devil, tempting poor Adams, 
&c. 

5. Why professional Men are in league with the Devil, &c. 

6. How the Devil glories in cheating God and Man, &c. 



FURTHER SYNOPSIS OF ORATIONS. 

The Devil, gentle and persuasive, in the nursery, with Mother and Infant ; with 
the Child, Youth and Yourg People. Devil in School ; in Love Matches ; in Ladies' 
Toilette ; in Parlor, Dining Room, and Kitchen ; in Mother-in-Law ; in Doctors, 
Editors, Lawyers, Legislatures and Congress ; in Rum, Tobacco, Drugs, Filthy Lu- 
cre, and in everything else. 

NOTE. In the Prologue, the Orator will address the Audience, but in the Oration 
proper, he will talk only to the Devil, on the Devil, about him, and imitate his 
Satanic Majesty frequently, 



IVoticess of tlie Press. 

Fromthe National Republican. 

" Dr. S. M. Landis, the Eminent Orator and Scientific Reformer, 
who has kept the Philadelphians in one continuous state of annoy- 
ance for many years, is intending to give our citizens a tongue- 
lashing and general stirring up. 

We hope he will give us his oration on the devil! This eccentric 
man has done so many original, funny, sharp, good, and some say, 



ADVERTISEMENTS. 45 

bad things, that we are at a loss to give a statement of his many 
maneuvers. ^ ^ * Is the author of several books, the 

most important is his terse work on ' Sense and Nonsense,' He 
has for several years published a paper called 'The Sharp Shoot- 
er, ' and the like was never known before or since. In Philadel- 
phia, he is considered to be the Mental Napoleon and Paragon of 
orators, being of such impassioned earnestness, that he carries con- 
viction to the hardest heart, and turns even his enemies into new 
worlds of thought ! His curious ' Orations on the Devil ' draw 
immense crowds of the elite of all cities, and it is said he surpasses 
all orators, and even star actors, in this wonderful entertainment. 

He is as bold as a lion, and vralks fearlessly into the isms, schisms, 
ills, follies and vices of life, regardless of youth, age, party, sect, 
public opinion or anything else. He makes his audience tremble, 
but yet charms them with his clear logic, peculiar humor and fiery 
eloquence. The 'old fogy' portion of his native city (Philadelphia), 
have oflFered him several thousand dollars if he would leave the place 
for ten years, but he wants a million. ^ * His own church 
became so much crowded, that he had to lease the large Walnut 
Street Theatre to preach in, and it would not hold more than one- 
half the people who continually flocked to hear his wonderfully log- 
ical and oratorical powers and sound Christian reasonings. We shall 
hail his debut in our city." 

The greatest performance that one man ever attempted. — [Public 
Ledger. 

Dr. Landis portrays the character of his Satanic Majesty so clear- 
ly and forcibly, that saints and sinners feel charmed w)th his orig- 
inal logic and fiery eloquence. — [Philadelphia Dispatch. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, have never laughed more. — [Philadelphia 
Public Record. 

Dr. Landis has just finished a series of his Star Lectures and 
" Dramatic Orations on the Devil, " in our behalf, and we cordially 
recommend him to parties who wish attractive, highly toned, in- 
structive, thrilling, original and humorous entertainments. We 
have attended for years Star Lectures and Theatres, but nowhere 
have we seen and heard such acting, humor and fiery eloquence — 
fraught with original and practical thought — as this gentleman con- 
tinually gives. He is one man out of fifty thousand. 

Respectfully, Jas. E. Vincent, 

Philadelphia, 1873. • Louis Reimel. 

Terms on application. Address S. M. LANDIS, M. D. 

No. 13 N. 11th St., Philadelphia, Pa. 



SUBJECTS OF POPULAE LECTURES. 

1. Twenty Years Keformatory Battling against the Snobs and 
Criminals in high places in Philadelphia. 

2. Man a failure ; Woman the coming Man. 



46 ADVERTISEMENTS. 

3. Cure for Domestic Tyrants. 

4. Courtship, Marriage and Divorce. 

5. Private Physiological Hints to Ladies. (Lecture exclusive- 
ly for Ladies.) 

6. The Secret to Manliness, Love, and Greatness. (Lecture 
to Gentlemen alone.) 

7. Sermon on "The Kock upon which 'The Church' split.'' 
(Dr. Lanclis delivered it eight consecutive Sunday Evenings, in the 
large Waluut Street Theatre, Philadelphia, to overjQowing houses.) 

8. Sermon on "Scandal." 

9- Sermon on " Temperance, Beauty and Love. 
Also, numerous other Subjects. 




We offer the greatest, most complete, ecouomical and 
useful invention for sale, that was ever known for the luxu- 
rious comfort, health, beauty, happiness, and for the pre- 
vention and permanent cure of diseases, namely : — 

DjR. LAJSrjDIS' 

f nl(iil|)orinf)fe dottipoiintl Sfcctro-Jlngtieiic §qunfi5er» 

Hot and Cold Air and Improved Turkish Bath. 



ADVERTISEMENTS. 47 

It is (without the Magnetic Equalizer) a complete Hot 
and Cold Air, and very much Improved Turkish Bath, Sy- 
ringing and Water-Cure Establishment all centered in a 
neat closet, resembling a wardrobe, ^ by U feet square and 
7^ feet high, smaller size ; and 3 by 3^ feet square and 8^ 
feet high, larger size ; and so constructed that not a drop of 
water or soiling will get on the carpet outside, hence may 
be placed in a parlor. The beauty of it is that a few buckets 
of water will give the most thorough bath ; this is a great 
object where water is scarce. 

LIST OF PRICES : 

Right to use for one Private Family, and instructions to 
build and use it, $50 ; Patent Organic Syringing Apparatus, 
$10 extra, making $60. 

For a Completely Built Bath (without the Magnetic 
Equalizer) for one Private Family, $150 ; Magnetic Equali- 
zer, $50 extra, making $200. 

Rights for Public or Physician's Use from $100 upward, 
with instructions to build and use, according to location 
and population. We will build them on the same terms for 
public as private use. Terms Cash upon ordering the same. 
Valuable property taken in exchange for State or County 
Rights for Public Use only. 

Organic Syringes for sale, independent of the bath. 
Price $16. 

le^SOLID REFERENCES AND RECOMMENDA- 
TIONS by the score from physicians and first-class citizens 
who use them. Address, 

Dr. S. M.LANDIS&Oo., 

No. 13 N, Eleventh St., JPhila,, JPa. 



SYNOPSIS OF SCENES, INCIDENTS, &o. 

OF THK 

THE SOCIAL WAIJ OF 11)00, 



ACT I— Scene 1. Ts-bernacle Hall. Plottina: of the (^inspirators. Sok:<^e 2. Gen. Ar- 
min^ton's Residence. Deacon Stew, tlie viilian. ;it Miss Arminston's sick-be<l, hood- 
winking tlie inn(»eent. Scene 3. Pat O'Connor g lins the Deacon's confidence. Scene 4. 
Library of Gen. Armington. Pat O'Conner in(orn s IMiPs Arnnngton of the conspiracy 
to murder Dr. Juno, her lover. Miss A's lieroif rtso'uti o! t.i s ive .Tuno. Scene 5. .Tuno'.'^ 
Eesidenee. Miss Armington on a mission of mercy ni disnuis •. \'ictor .Tuno declares hia 
love for Lucinda Armington. Love reciprocate ). Secret jdot to murder Victor discov- 
ered and revealed by Lucinda. Dream of Victor. The TTox^se SuT.rouNDED nv an 
Army OF Men, Tableau. Scene 6. Tabernacle Hall. Further conniving of the Con- 
spirators to destroy .Tuno, Conspirators chagrin* d at the escipe of Miss'Armington. 
Plan to ruin her reputation. Scene 7. Crowded Theatre— vast assemblage. Dr. .Tuno's 
scathing si>eech on the "Rock upon which -The Church' spilt." Conspirators present. 
TERRlFiC RIOT BY THE AUDITORS. Dr. .Tuno hrm in his belief to the last. 
GRAND TABLEAU. 

A(^T II— Scene 1. Gen. Armington's Residence. Deacon Stew attempting to secure 
the General's assistance to ruin Juno. General overcome with grief at the reported 
elopement of Juno with his daughter— Lucinda. Nancy Clover and Deacon Stew glory 
in duping the Geu'l. Scene 2. Insane Asylum. Laciiida Armington incarcerated in ii. 
cell. Dr. .Tuno, also imprisoned in a dungeon. Prayer of Lucinda. Appearance of the 
villiau, Stew, in disguise. Juno in a dreamy state oehoh's ihe spectre of General A. 
Visitation of the good Angel. The Emblems I Deacon Sti'w's overtures to Miss A. 
Severe castigation of the Deacon by Miss A. Sc.cm-; 3. Garden of Gen. Armington. 
Pat O'Conner blarneys the Deacon. Discussing the questi^.n of abducting Dr. Juno and 
Miss Armington. Pat ready for a fight with the Lv;icon. Scene 4. Insane Asylum.- 
Jemmv. the faithful. giving'.Tuno the implemeiiis to free hiiusolf. The Deacon's second 
visit to Miss A. Torturer of innocence. JUNO'S STRUGGLE FOR LIFE WITH 
THE NIGHT WATCHMAN! Escape of Juno. Tableau. 

A( 'T III — Scene 1. Street Scene. Dr. Juno addressing a large audience on Church 
and State; showing the corruption of their leaders. a'M the down-trodden condition of 
the people thereby. Scene 2. Insane Asylum. Miss Aniungtou still an inmate. The 
Deacon's third visit. The pistol. ''Now scand back or I"!! sIkmu you." The Deacon shot 
by Miss Armington. The Oath. The binding an<l uagging of the villianous Deacon. 
Keepers of the asylum on the alert. The disguise ior escape. Statement of Miss A. 
to the Physicians. The viilian foiled. Innocence Triumphant ! Tableau. Scenes. 
Christian Temple. Meeting of the "Secret Order of Naturalists." Stirring speech of 
Juno before mobbing the Insane Asylum. Scene 4. Insane Asylum. The Deacon an(l 
his confederates at Avork. Handculling Miss Aruiingro.i. Struggle with the Deacon, 
Miss Armington biting his ear until hescreanis iiun\i( r. .Iiino's appearance on the spot. 
THE CURSE. "Victor do not murder him; leave iiiin to hjaven and the wrath of his 
IMaker ! '' "Free once more from the shackles ot tliese bloody Conspirators." Tableau. 

ACT IV— Scene 1. Gen. Armington's Drawina,- Room. Pathetic interview between 
Victor and Lucinda. His unfeigned love for her, which she reciprocates. Scene 2. 
Tabernacle Hall. List secret meeting of th<. ,'oiispirators. Demoniacal plotting, Dr, 
Juno arrests the Conspirators. Tableau. Scene 3. Gen. virmington's Drawing Room. 
Victor and Lucinda conversing about the incoming war. Farewell before taking the 
field of battle. Tableau. 

ACT V— Scene 1. The General's Residence. Miss Armington receives a Telegram 
that Juno is lost. Reads it. Miss Armington now prepares to take Juno's place as Gen- 
eral. Scene 2. Headquarters of the Army of the Conspirators. Juno tried and con- 
victed by Court Martial. Curious Incidents. Juno's defiant defence. The Sentence of 
death, .tunc cool and collected to the last. Scene 3. Headquarters of the Army of the 
Naturalists. Miss Armington at her post as General. She arouse« the Army of the 
Naturalists to the top of their bent. "Strike until the last foe expires!'' Scene 4. 
Headquarters of the Army of the C'onspirators. J uno to be shot. Death of Deacon Stew 
at the hands of Pat O'C i>aner. Grand and Thru, pic BATTLE between the Con- 
spirators and Naturalists. TREMENDOUS SWORD COMBAT by Juno and Gen. 
Orthod ! Lucinda in the arms of her victorious Victor. GiJand Tableau. 



THE GREATEST BATT1.E SCENE EVER ATTEMPTED. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



NOTICES F K O 31 T 

OF THE THRILLING PROPIl 




016 103 870 2 



m 



IHE SOCIAL WAS OF 1990 ! 



BY SIMON M. LANDIS, M. D. 



Another immense crowd last nig-ht witnessed the performance of the 
new drama by S. M. Landis, M.D., entitled, ''The Social War of 1900; 
or. The ConsJDirators and Lovei'S," in which Dr. Landis appeared as the 
gallant hero, Victor Juno. The Doctor acted with much power and 
carried everything before liim. This play has made a marked hit, and 
is the sensation of the hour. [Phila. All-Day (;ity Item. 

If persons desire to enjoy a rich fund of amusement, they should 
witness the ''Social War of 1900." [Phila. Public Kecord. 

Great excitement and grand reception last night, and thurders of 
applause, for the great drama of ''The Social W^ar of 1900." 

[Phila. Public Ledger. 

The new drama ''The Social War of 1900; or, the Conspirators and 
Lovers," has drawn the largest audiences of the season, and has clearly 
made a popular success. [Sunday Item. 

The attendance last week was very large, much curiosity being 
manifested to see Dr. Landis in his new drama. [X. Y. Clipper. 

Dr. Landis' "Social War" Sensation drew overflowing houses at 
Philadelphia, during the past week. His prosperous engagement ter- 
minated on March 14. 1874. (N. Y. Mercury. 

Dr. Landis, the great actor was in his glory ; the Manager was de- 
lighted, because the house was packed night after night. Those who 
did not see this performance missed a rare treat. (Sunday Times. 



DR. S. M. L.ANDIS' HYGIENIC (MEDICAL) INSTITUTE. 

No. 13 North ELEVENTH Street, Philadelphia, Pa. 

IMPROVED TURKISH BATHS, Af^O HYaiENIG DINING-ROOP.^S CONNECTED. 

We cure all diseases of the sexes without internal drug's. 

Dr. S. M. Landis, Consulting Physician and Surgeon. 
Mrs. C. S. Laxdis, M. D., Visiting Physician. 

Miss J , Female Assistant Physician and Treasurer. 

Dr. Geo. Kideout, Resident Physician and Superintendent. 
Address all Business Letters to DR. S. M. LANDIS, as above. 



iiiiiiliimiSiiiiiiii'' ^^'^^"^ss 

016 103 870 2 



